


You, Me and the Kids

by agentsimmons



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avengers Family, Background Relationships, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Domestic, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Kid Fic, M/M, New Parents, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Bruce Banner, Parent Tony Stark, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Science Boyfriends, Science Husbands, Team as Family, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2018-05-22 00:36:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6064114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentsimmons/pseuds/agentsimmons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Welcome to Downtown Dadsville. Population: Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. Enjoy your stay.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>A collection of assorted ficlets from my downtowndadsville Tumblr that center on Tony and Bruce as fathers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. JARVIS' Guide For the Care and Feeding of a Newborn

**Author's Note:**

> Instead of annoying everyone with a million individual kid ficlets, I've decided to collect the shorter stories in one work. The ones that are longer, more standalone, part of series, etc. will still be their own works. Title is from this obscure docudrama from like the late 90s. 
> 
> You can prompt, but I can't promise when/if I will get to them. I currently have [prompts I'm working on](http://downtowndadsville.tumblr.com/post/137924516887/current-promptsstatus) in no particular order. Also, I do have a [prompting guide](http://downtowndadsville.tumblr.com/post/135140099517/prompt-guidelinescaveats) outlining my minimal comfort zone haha.

Tony awoke suddenly and his eyes met with the dark room. Blinking groggily and trying to get his bearings, including figuring out why he had awoken in general, Tony reached for the man beside him should he need to wake him too, or prevent him from startling. That's when Tony realized he must have woken up because the bed was just a little bit colder and emptier than when he'd fallen asleep.

"Bruce?" He mumbled as he slowly sat up and looked toward their door. It was slightly ajar, indicating he'd left the room. He blinked a few more times and then carefully got up to find his missing other half.

It wasn't hard for him to guess where to check first and his feet seemed to head that way of their own accord. It was maybe a little surprising how natural the instinct already was. What wasn’t surprising was finding Bruce there like he had guessed.

Of course, he would have guessed Bruce was feeding, or at least taking care of in some way or another, the baby that slept in the nursery. Instead he found him in the chair, dragged nearer to the crib, and obviously fighting with sleep in order to just watch their daughter sleep.

He moved in closer to him, slowly so as not to startle him. "Hey," he said quietly and Bruce looked at him with tired eyes. "Why aren't you in bed? Was she being fussy? You know you could have woke me. Pretty sure it's past time for it to be my turn." Bruce had a bad habit of letting him sleep through feeding and changing shifts.

Bruce took a long moment to process his rapid-fire inquisition, proof that he was running on fumes of late. Finally he shook his head.

"She's not being fussy," he said it a little desperately and looked up at him. Even in the low glow of the nursery night light and his own reactor, Tony could see the worry etched on his face. " _Tony_ , our baby isn't being fussy."

Tony furrowed his brow and glanced at Maria. “Is that a bad thing?”

Bruce looked back at their daughter as well. "She should have stirred for food by now," he replied and Tony began to share his concern. "She... Maybe she's sick. Maybe there's a reason she doesn't want to eat. She should have cried by now."

Tony knew she usually wanted food every three to four hours, which is what they had been told was average. He knew they had fed her before putting her to bed, but he wasn't sure how many hours ago that was since he hadn't checked for the time.

"JARVIS, how long exactly has it been since feeding her last?" He asked. Having an AI was the best possible baby monitor. Come to think of it... "And is her bio scans showing any abnormalities?"

_It has been five hours and fourteen minutes since little Maria was fed. But as I assured Dr. Banner an hour ago, there is no indication that she is sick. Since then I have taken the liberty to do a thorough scouring of information regarding the issue and experts insist every baby has unique needs and will begin to show signs of hunger when their digestion has finished breaking down the previous meal. Other experts insist if there is a concern or it has been longer than four hours, then it is okay to gently rouse the baby and feed regardless of any indication from the child._

Bruce's face was set in a studious expression, as if he wasn't quite sure he could believe the AI. Tony's face softened and he moved to place a hand on Bruce's shoulder.

"I think what he's trying to say is our baby is fine and you need to get some sleep," Tony said.

Bruce looked up at him as if stung. "But she—"

Tony moved his hand to cup Bruce's face. "—is okay. You're just a little on edge because you haven't been getting enough rest. I think you should go back to bed."

Bruce shook his head and Tony let his hand drop. "No," he said in protest. "Somebody needs to stay with her just in case. And it's been more than four hours." Tony smiled in spite of his stubbornness because he knew Bruce's reaction was because he loved their daughter so much.

"Alright, somebody will," Tony told him. " _I_ will. You go to bed and I'll watch her. And if she doesn't fuss in another ten minutes, I'll go ahead and try to feed her anyway. I can stay up with her."

"Tony," Bruce started again, but Tony could see the other man suddenly looking like he might give in to sleep at any time now that he recalled he wasn't a single parent. He didn't finish, rather looked back at Maria.

"Bruce, I can handle this. I'm beginning to think you don't trust me," Tony tried for humor. Bruce gave him a considering look that wasn't exactly reassuring.

Finally Bruce sighed and very slowly stood to his feet. Tony immediately embraced him, kissing his temple. They stood that way for a few moments and Tony could practically feel Bruce wanting to fall asleep in his arms.

"Alright, I'm officially relieving you of your daddy shift," he whispered playfully. "Go crash."

Bruce nodded in acquiescence and Tony watched him shuffle out of the nursery. Tony smiled fondly and then moved to peer over the crib at their peacefully sleeping daughter. She showed no signs of stirring like she often did when she was ready for another meal.

"Okay, baby girl. You may want to ask for another helping soon. You're worrying us just a little bit," he indulged.

Tony decided to go ahead and prepare a bottle for either when she finally indicated her hunger on her own or he kept his promise to attempt to feed her regardless.

***

Tony thought he heard his name, but he wasn't sure. It sounded distant and his closed eyes scrunched instinctively.

"Good morning, Tony" he heard distinctly this time. And even if he hadn't, there were lips brushing one side of his mouth.

Tony opened his sleepy eyes and saw Bruce standing in front of him with a smile. He had Maria in his arms and was feeding her. Tony hadn't realized there could be any feeling as wonderful as simply waking up next to Bruce before this moment.

"You fell asleep," Bruce said to him.

Tony blinked a few times, considered the statement, and then realized what he meant. "Uh, yeah," he replied with a guilty yawn and stretch. "Sorry. I did feed her a little bit and then put her right back to bed. I was going to stay up with her just in case, but—"

"It's okay, Tony. I had a feeling you would. I mean, I just assumed you would come back to bed." He hitched the shoulder that held the bottle.

"I told you I could stay up with her," Tony pointed out.

"I know," Bruce replied gently. "But I knew you might not when I left. So it's okay. I'm not mad. You took care of her. That's what matters."

Tony furrowed his brow and stood, stretching some more as he did. "Okay so you know I adore you, but your mental processes when you're exhausted baffle me."

He placed one hand on Bruce's lower back and with a finger of his other, stroked their daughter's tiny cheek; her wide brown eyes closed at the contact and a reflex smile opened up around the edges of the bottle proving her current comfort (or well-timed gas, he thought with a small laugh). Tony looked back at Bruce to see him smiling too, a genuine one, and then leaned in to kiss him properly.

"I trust you, Tony," Bruce explained against his lips after they were done before pulling the rest of the way back. "You said she was okay and you were right. I went to bed because I trust you."

"Oh," Tony toned in understanding.

"And even though you fell asleep, I still do," Bruce added, looking down at Maria.

Tony smiled in spite of the strangeness of the situation. Then again, they were both a little strange these days. They were tired, emotional, learning every day that went by, maybe more than a little out of their depths, and quite possibly the happiest men alive.

They were new fathers after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is entirely inspired by a real life story from a woman I work with. Her kid just had their first baby and was panicking over said baby not showing any signs of wanting to be fed again at the usual hour after the first four or so days of being home. The grandma was like, "go to bed and I'll watch her" only to fall asleep - which then her kid admitted they knew she would the following morning.


	2. Designated Dads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS CRACK. Garbage and crack. It was supposed to be a fill for a cute Avengers as family prompt on my downtowndadsville blog:
> 
>  
> 
> _A cute Avengers as family story where because they’re physically and/or mentally the oldest, minus Thor, the others start to turn to Bruce and Tony like they’re fathers so they start to think of themselves as their fathers. Please make Clint younger like Steve and Natasha (like Jeremy isn’t playing his own age). Kudos if you include other characters like Wanda, Pietro, Darcy, Jane, or Peter._
> 
>  
> 
> Only then it just spiraled into crack and bad crack at that. I just. It's garbage and I hope you cringe and ask yourself what the hell you're reading because. I'm sorry, anon prompter. I'm so sorry.

Neither Tony nor Bruce was sure how it happened. As the tower turned into a home base for the Avengers and filled up with various new people all somehow younger than the two men – which Tony would never get over how statistically unfair that was – they somehow started to genuinely seem like the oldest of the group.

It was a phenomenon Tony didn't understand _at all_. He'd never been the old man before. He was perpetually 39 as far as he was concerned. And he didn't think of Bruce as old either. They were the same age, actually Tony was several months older than Bruce which was just the icing on the entire old man of the tower cake, and still spry. And they weren't even technically the oldest if you counted Thor or Steve's time spent on the ice, but that didn't seem to matter.

Somehow, some way, through a series of random events, the two men began to feel like they had collected a home full of wayward superheroes and they were the designated foster parents.

 

The first time Tony had noticed, it had been Steve. In retrospect he could appreciate the irony of it in a very weird sort of way, given the animosity there'd once been.

 

"No, please, no more bad periodic table jokes," Bruce said breathlessly through his laughter as he and Tony stepped off the elevator together. "Even _I_ have my limits."

"Is that so?" Tony asked with a smirk as they made their way toward the kitchen.

"If you're thinking about trying to get me to laugh myself into a Hulk out, it's never going to happen," Bruce said with a shake of his head, still choking down a few laughs.

"Right," Tony replied. "Because happiness is the opposite of anger. Makes sense."

Bruce snorted and shrugged incredulously. "Does it?"

"Sure," Tony said. "Which, you know, that maybe implies other activit—" Tony started, but cut his point short when they were greeted by the sight of Steve sitting at the table looking like a nervous wreck.

"Something wrong, Steve?" Bruce asked first.

He startled and looked at them with wide eyes. He immediately tried to hide whatever it was he was looking at. Magazines? Tony had to investigate and so quickly grabbed one that was still flipped open.

"What, did our innocent little boy scout discover Playboy or something?" Tony asked with a teasing laugh before studying what it was. His brow furrowed. "Dating advice?" He looked over at Steve in askance.

"I… I, uh, that is…" Steve became sheepish, scratching at the back of his neck and looking away quite pointedly.

"Steve," Bruce said the soldier's name in an urging tone and Tony ignored the small stab of annoyance over how gentle it sounded. Bruce didn't say his name like that. It was usually in an exasperated tone or sometimes when he was laughing, which was nice, or sometimes when he was pleading with him to leave him alone. He never urged Tony in that tone.

"Alright," Steve caved with a sigh. "I might have a date tomorrow night and… I just wasn't sure what's expected of a guy on a date in this century."

He was technically older, but it was moments like these that reminded Tony that the other man was really just a twenty-something who hadn't really lived much and was now navigating life as a twenty-something in a new world. He suddenly didn't begrudge Bruce's gentle tone with the floundering, dare he say it, youth.

"Well, if you're expecting these to have any answers," Tony took the initiative and sat down at the table, "you'll end up with a headache and call it off."

Bruce snorted softly and sat down across from him. "He's right actually. I mean… Not that I've had much experience, but I read _a lot_ of these articles when I was younger and wanted to impress people. Never works."

"To be fair, the magazines can't help it if you're already perfect the way you are," Tony said with a broad smile and intent look at Bruce.

"Wow," Steve said and Tony looked back at him to see him staring in awe before looking down at the magazine like it held tips for how to be as smooth as Tony – or at least that's how Tony decided to interpret it.

"Yes, well, barring that," Bruce replied, obviously used to Tony's comments by now and taking it in stride, "they're still pretty much crap."

Tony laughed outright. "That they are. So what do you need help with, Cap?"

Steve looked up, blinked several times and looked back and forth between them in surprise. An earnest smile spread across his face, though tentative at the edges. "You really want to help? This isn't… This isn't some kind of prank is it?" Steve's smile fell a little and his look turned suspicious.  

"Well, don't give me any ideas," Tony replied with a bark of laughter. He then shook his head. "Nope, no gimmicks. Just a few honest pointers since you clearly need them."

Steve had the decency to look slightly offended by that implication.

"I think what Tony means is this sort of thing is already difficult enough," Bruce glanced meaningfully at Tony, "for those of us not blessed with good looks, charisma and money, so of course we're willing to help any way we can. Adding to it your unique experiences, it's okay to be a little nervous."

"Don't be jealous, Brucey-babe. Two out of three isn't bad," Tony said quickly and Bruce shook his head, understanding his meaning. "Steve on the other hand…" He looked him over and gave an exaggerated grimace.

"Haha. Very funny," Steve intoned. He then sighed. "So where do I begin?"

Bruce pursed his lips and he and Tony shared a glance. "Well, what did you do on dates in your time?" Bruce asked carefully.

"Whatever Bucky managed to line up for us," Steve said with a shrug.

Tony furrowed his brow and shot Bruce a look. "Funny, dad never mentioned—"

Steve rolled his eyes. "Double dates," he explained, cutting over his statement. "But it's not like I would have been bothered by the idea," he added with a shrug. "It just wasn't something you did overtly. Wait… Does it bother you?" Steve asked suddenly, in obvious confusion. "I thought…" He looked back and forth between them.

Tony would have laughed, but the smirk that spread across his face was uncontrollable as he realized what Steve meant by that. "Are you kidding? Bothered? I'm sitting here thinking about all of the deliciously filthy things I'd like to do to Bruce so, no, I'm definitely not bothered by it."

Bruce coughed and looked down at the table. "Maybe we should focus on helping Steve," he suggested desperately.

Steve came to the rescue; it was maybe a little clinical for him. "As I was saying, Bucky always set up the double dates. Always found me a date. Always picked girls who had a friend so I wouldn't be the third wheel. That sort of thing. We mostly went to diners or parks or a fair of some sort. That sort of thing. I never stuck around long enough to make it to the dancing."

"And I don't think modern clubs would quite be your thing," Bruce said knowingly. "At least, not right away. One step at a time. But you might be surprised that most of those other options are still available and the kind of thing you might do on a first date."

Tony clicked his teeth thoughtfully and stared at Steve studiously. "You're subtly asking for a double aren't you?"

Steve's eyes widened in obvious guilt and Bruce's widened in surprise. "Uh, yeah, I… Well, I was going to ask Clint and Natasha, but you know. I might feel better with a couple more experienced just in case…"

"Whoa, wait," Tony interrupted, raising one hand. "Are you referring to Bruce and I as an old married couple because—" He paused, considering it. "Not that I'm adverse to everything about that implication, you know, in theory. But Bruce and I aren't old."

Bruce blinked. "Uh, and we're technically not a couple," he pointed out, much to Tony's chagrin. Steve had the decency to look startled by that. "But on first dates, if you're going to double, you should first make sure your date is okay with the idea and then second, go with the younger couple if you have the option. Always."

Tony sighed. "As loathe as I am to admit it, Bruce has a fair point. We are a little older—" Bruce snorted and Tony frowned at him. "We are _a little older_ than you so you should probably stick with the people in your age bracket for this sort of thing."

"Oh. Okay, thanks," Steve said. "So, other tips?"

Tony tried not to sigh. It was going to be a long afternoon, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they could help Cap score. And as usual, he and Bruce made a great team.

_\+ 24 hours later +_

"Yes, Steve, you look fine," Bruce said for the hundredth time. He was starting to sound like a broken record. "You're not over dressed and you look like you live in this century."

Apparently offering Steve dating tips the day before had resulted in Steve assuming he could just track them down for advice whenever he needed it. So he'd been fretting to them over the last minute details on and off all day while they worked in the lab.

"You have nothing to worry about," Tony chimed in, giving Bruce a hand. "Just go and have a good time."

"And be yourself, Steve," Bruce added. "Just because it's not the 1940s anymore doesn't mean you can't do the things that make you feel comfortable, got it?"

"Not to mention it's," Tony looked at his watch, "a double date at four in the afternoon. Pretty sure your date gets the point and won't be expecting anything too scandalous."

Steve brightened a little and looked away. "It's just… Uh, I've never been one to just… You know. I'd like to get to know a person before…" He cleared his throat. "That."

Bruce, who was nearer to the fidgety Captain, gave him a reassuring pat on his shoulder. "It's okay, Steve. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Not everyone is singularly minded no matter what certain people or our modern media might imply."

"If you're saying I'm singularly minded, I'll have you know that is an inaccurate statement," Tony protested and looked at Bruce seriously. "I'm just very good at multitasking."

"Ah. Is that what it's called?" Bruce asked archly as he walked toward him.

Before Tony could respond, Steve cleared his throat again. They both turned to look at him in sync and Tony thought he looked a little like a kid embarrassed by his parents flirting.

"So, uh, I guess I'll go now. Thanks for the help. I'll tell you how it went?" Steve looked back and forth between them and Tony realized with slight alarm that he meant it as an earnest question. He was asking them if they cared enough to hear the details of the date later.

"We'd like that," Bruce answered for both of them and Tony gave him a curious glance. "Now go have fun."

"We'd like that?" Tony repeated when they were alone again.

Bruce shrugged. "Don't pretend you won't be curious."

Tony opened his mouth to protest, but then closed it. He considered it. "Yeah, okay. But it just felt very…" He let his sentence trail. He wasn't quite sure how to explain it and Bruce had moved on, getting back to work on his experiment.

 

If Steve had started coming to them for advice in a way that felt oddly like having an awkward teenage son without that implication ever being spoken aloud, Clint was the boisterous teenage son who didn't tiptoe around any such implication.

 

"Okay, okay," Clint said, body swaying slightly, as he stood at the bar, "just one more." He held up one finger and then downed his current shot glass. "Killer party, man," he then cheered, waving his bottle of alcohol around.

"The party ended three hours ago," Tony said, feeling somewhat hypocritical playing the theoretical designated driver given his own past with drunkenness. Still, he had tackled those demons and now was willing to help his fellow man and so on and so forth. That and the party really had ended three hours prior. Everyone else had passed out for the night, but Clint was getting more and more wasted.

"Clint." Bruce joined him, using that tone of voice Tony had yet to hear his own name spoken with. Not that he should be concerned about that at the moment. "We're concerned about you," Bruce said as he pried the shot glass away from Clint's hand. Tony helped by prying the bottle away.

"Well, frankly, I'm also concerned about _you_ ," Tony said to Bruce as they moved the items they'd taken to a safe location out of Clint's drunken reach, leaning in so to keep the comment between them.

Bruce paused and looked at him with a small smile. "Thank you," he said and Tony had to admit this reaction was a far better accomplishment than Bruce's 'concerned' tone. But then he went and looked at Clint with concerned eyes and expression and— "I think I can handle it. He needs us." Wherever Tony's previous train of thought had been going, it derailed.

"Hey, dad jeans," Clint called over to them, effectively derailing Tony's new train of thought and he looked over at the archer with narrowed eyes. "I need to tell you something." He gestured with a wobble of his head for them to come over.

"I know you don't mean me," Tony groused, but tilted his head sideways and glanced down to survey Bruce's pants in comparison. He was wearing khakis of course.

Bruce stifled a snicker and flicked his head toward Clint. "Come on, dad jeans."

"Seriously, these are six hundred dollar jeans. What dad wears six hundred dollar jeans?"

"Rich dads?" Bruce asked with a simple shrug, turning back to look at Tony, and then he seemed to process the entire statement. "Wait, _six hundred dollars_? For _jeans_?" The physicist stepped back and inspected them more closely before looking back up at Tony with a dubious and confused expression both.

Tony smirked and turned around, looking over his own shoulder at his backside. "Tell me they don't make my ass look fantastic."

Bruce blinked, an incredulous expression still in place on his face. He did, in fact, look down for half a moment before meeting Tony's gaze again as he turned back around to face him. "Tony, your ass would probably look fantastic in jeans from Wal-Mart. Why the hell do you need to spend six hundred dollars on jeans?"

"I'm going to remind you not so subtly in the future that you think my ass looks fantastic in general," Tony quipped with a teasing expression, though also quite smug about the sudden admission – even if it was common knowledge and Bruce was just stating objective fact. "Also can you honestly tell me you don't like the clothes you've been wearing lately compared to whatever you had to wear before? Can you honestly tell me there's not a world of difference?"

"Well, maybe a little, but—" Bruce's eyes widened in sudden horror. "Don't tell me there are six hundred dollar jeans in my closet. Please don't tell me that's a thing."

"That would involve paying attention to the price tags or, you know, remembering what I spent on anything at any given time. Hell, that would involve physically going to pick out the clothes myself. I just gave them your size and style and, voila, filled closet. You could have jeans that cost a grand for all I know." Tony felt his face light up then and he eyed Bruce eagerly. "Of course, if you want I can give you a thorough looking over in each pair and probably manage a decent guess on which jeans cost the most."

By the time he reached the end of his dithyramb, the other man had his face covered by one hand in clear exasperation and the other was drumming impatiently against his thigh.

"Hey!" Clint shouted. "Dad jeans. Dad shirt. I said I wanted to talk to you," he said angrily and they both looked to see him attempting to walk over to them in a sulky manner. Of course he failed miserably, unable to walk a straight line, stumbling sideways and then over to the ground with a hard thud and subsequent laughter at his own clumsiness.

"Oh for—" Tony mumbled as he and Bruce moved to help him. "Dad jeans and dad shirt are grounding you for at least a week," he said as he crouched down to grab one arm in sync with Bruce on the other side.

"I vote we take his bow away until he at least promises to learn moderation."

Tony opened his mouth to reply when suddenly Clint's previous humor gave way to a blubbering and blathering sad drunk hobbled over between them as they dragged him over toward a couch in the lounge.

"I'm a mess," Clint said forlornly without warning. He shook his head. "You don't like me and I'm a mess."

"That's not true," Bruce protested as they hauled him.

"Don't lie to him, Bruce," Tony said with a small huff of breath from the exertion. He was getting spoiled by his suit's ability to make moving this kind of deadweight a cakewalk. "He's definitely a mess and I definitely don't like him."

" _Tony,_ " Bruce huffed out his name in a facsimile of a warning. Tony had to admit he was glad he wasn't the only one whose muscle power was mostly dependent on other factors.

"Fine," Tony compromised as they attempted to deposit the drunken archer onto the couch, "I like the bird brain. He grows on you. But he's still a mess."

Bruce gave a small, breathless laugh. "We all are."

"Natasha's not a mess. She's perfect," Clint protested and he grabbed at their arms bringing them down on the couch on either side of him awkwardly.

"That's definitely not true," Bruce countered.

Tony's eyes widened and he gave up trying to escape the drunken man suddenly crying into his shoulder and clutching at Bruce with his hand. "I'd like to see you make that same statement in the light of day in her presence," he said earnestly.

Bruce met his gaze. "You might be surprised by her reaction if I did." Tony wasn't sure if he wanted to chase that particular rabbit down a hole so he remained tightlipped.

"Well, Steve is perfect," Clint mumbled next.

"Seriously?" Tony fielded this one. "Yeah, that's even less true. Guy couldn't even go to dinner with—" He was cut off by a cough and sharp look from Bruce.

"Don’t break Steve's confidant. He trusted us," Bruce said firmly. "Besides. This isn't about Steve. Or Natasha. Or anyone else. It's about Clint."

"You're so nice," Clint said, sniveling a little – embarrassing really – and attempting to sit up from Tony's shoulder and look at Bruce. "If anyone's perfect, it's you." He then looked back at Tony. "Isn't he perfect?"

Tony nodded. "He is."

"I'm really not," Bruce interjected.

Clint ignored him, which was a mark in his favor. "He's perfect. What more do you want?" Clint asked Tony in what he could only assume was meant to be an accusative tone. "What's stopping you?"

"Okay, Cupid," Tony attempted to deflect the conversation before Bruce could turn positively green from discomfort, "we're not playing twenty questions right now. We're playing Clint is going to be a good little archer and sleep this off followed by Cap is going to take care of our resident marksman's hangover in the morning because there's no way in hell I'm going to." He gave Bruce a determined look as if wanting him to hold him to that statement.

_\+ 7 hours later +_

"What part of letting Cap deal with this wasn't clear last night?" Tony groused as he and Bruce made their way to Clint's room.

"To Clint? Probably all of it. He probably doesn't even remember," Bruce pointed out. "As for me, it was pretty clear. But he asked for us so we should see to it he's okay."

"We should?" Tony threw him a skeptical glance that Bruce returned with a look that seemed to say something along the lines of _please_ or _humor me_. Tony couldn't argue with either so he sighed. "Alright, I'm feeling generous this morning. I won't even pound on the door like I was planning on doing."

True to his word, Tony didn't knock at all. He just entered, with Bruce right behind him. Natasha was there muttering at Clint in Russian and pointing at a tray sat on Clint's lap. From the look and smell of it there was sauerkraut on bread and some sort of soup that Tony wasn't sure where she got the ingredients for but that he wasn't willing to even ask about.

She looked over at them and then back at Clint. "No Vodka until you finish," she said plainly and then left them.

Tony watched her go, noting Bruce's amused expression out of the corner of his eye as he did the same. He then looked back at the tray of food and gave it as dubious a look as Clint was.

After a short moment, Clint groaned and scrubbed his face. "I just wanted to, uh, say thanks I guess." He didn't meet their faces. "I know it was you two that helped me last night. So thanks."

"It's fine, Clint," Bruce assured him. "You needed help and we weren't indisposed."

"And even I thought it was starting to get a little bit concerning," Tony said teasingly as he moved a little to stand nearly shoulder-to-shoulder with Bruce.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm usually not, well, not that bad," Clint said and closed his eyes.

Tony got the distinct feeling the archer wasn't planning on sharing what had been going on in his head to cause his urge to get drunk, but he couldn't say he was in any mood to help him through it either. Of course, he'd also already ventured a few guesses from the incoherent sobs the night before and could respect that those kinds of insecurities are even less fun discussed in the cold light of day.

"As long as you're okay, Clint," Bruce offered, not pressing for details either.

"I've been better," he said, cracking open an eye to look down at the tray. He made a face and pushed it away.

"Ah—" Bruce started to protest, but then backed off.

Tony smirked and followed the protest through. "Yeah, don't think Natasha's gonna be too happy with you if you don't eat that. Better to face whatever torture that meal is than an angry Romanoff." Bruce snorted beside him.

"I'll take my chances," Clint replied with a huff, opening his eyes entirely. "Believe me. Tasha's wrath is only marginally worse." There was another short silence and Tony was considering his good deed done and contemplating making an exit when Clint said, "Sorry, by the way. I have it on good authority I'm a bit of a gross drunk. If I said or did anything I should be apologetic for, well…" He shrugged.

"You really weren't too bad," Bruce said. He then shrugged too. "I've definitely dealt with worse."

Tony frowned and looked sideways at him. "It's like you say things like that just to upset me. You're too damn casual about it."

"Not now, Tony," Bruce warned, meeting his look. "The point is," he looked back at Clint, "you were just a sad drunk. Not so bad."

"Embarrassing," Tony let the other point drop and opted for teasing Clint instead, "but not so bad. You maybe owe me a new shirt since you got your tears all over them though."

Clint groaned. "Great. I just had to go and be a sad drunk."

"If it's any consolation you were a rude drunk before that. You called me dad jeans." Tony narrowed his eyes at him.

Clint narrowed his eyes back at him and looked him over. "Yeah, so?" He asked pointedly. "I was within my rights."

Bruce choked on a laugh and Tony's eyes widened in disbelief. "All of my jeans are designer. How the hell are they dad jeans?" He threw up his hands.

Clint laughed a little as well. "Because it just makes you seem like the old guy who wants to be cool. And I'm fairly certain that is peak dad behavior."

"Peak dad behavior?" Tony echoed and looked at Bruce. "What the hell is he talking about?"

Bruce smirked slightly. "I don't know. I can't keep up with the kids' slang these days," he joked. "I'm well aware I'm not cool or fashionable."

"You called him dad shirt," Tony said, with a flick of his head toward Bruce as he looked back at Clint. "I'm equally offended on his behalf."

"Of course you are," Clint said and closed his eyes, wincing. Tony knew that look well. All of the conversation was making his head start to throb again. "But for what it's worth, I'm not sure I meant it as an insult."

Tony furrowed his brow at that and opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He looked at Bruce to see him wearing a thin, knowing sort of smile that only confused him further.

"Come on, dad jeans," Bruce interrupted his thoughts. "Dad shirt knows a less threatening hangover cure. Give me a hand whipping it up?"

"Bless you," Clint mumbled as they left the room.

"That bit at the end…" Tony started tentatively as he followed Bruce. "It was… weird."

"A little," Bruce admitted. "But it was a nice sentiment."

"Maybe wanna help me out because I'm drawing a blank here," Tony confessed.

"Took him liquid courage to admit it, but essentially he looks up to us," Bruce replied with a hitch of his shoulder. "We're two older men that he trusts. That's probably not easy for him to articulate. Especially now that he's lost Agent Coulson."

Tony stopped in his tracks as the weight of that struck him. "Oh."

 

If Thor was physically the oldest and mentally the oldest in ways foreign to them, he was also the most naïve in the ways of Midgard and the one filled with boundless energy and curiosity and, above all, good will. He could be the somber ancient being he truly was one moment and like a ten-year old with stars in his eyes the next. So, in essence, they weren't really ever sure what to do with Thor, especially when he was instigating the others as he often was.

 

"No. No. No. No. No."

Tony looked around the common lounge in slight horror.

"What the hell?" Bruce muttered as he came to a stop just behind him.

"JARVIS?" Tony called out to the AI upon instinct and turned slightly to meet Bruce's confused gaze over his shoulder.

_If you are inquiring about the seven kittens—_

"Of course I'm inquiring about the seven kittens," Tony grumbled as one of those said kittens, an orange little furball, bounded over to him and looked up at him curiously.

_Yes, sir. Master Odinson—_

"THOR!" Tony shouted, cutting off JARVIS once more. He then gave Bruce a curious look as the physicist bent down and picked up the orange kitten that had been precariously close to Tony's feet. He watched him as he held it close to his shoulder and began petting it gently.

"You called?" Thor asked innocently as he came into the lounge carrying several strings of yarn. Tony blinked a few times and turned his attention to the demigod. He would ask where he found yarn later.

"Uh, yeah," he said in pure annoyance. "Care to explain why _suddenly_ my tower—"

"Our tower," Bruce corrected and it checked a little of Tony's frustration.

"Why are there a bunch of furballs running around our common lounge?" Tony restated the original question and gave Thor a narrowed glance as he pointed to a few of them.

"It is a very sad story," Thor said solemnly. He moved to sit down on the couch and gathered two of the kittens there into his arms as if he didn't have the sheer muscle power to hurt them if he wanted to. Tony looked back at Bruce still downright _cuddling_ the kitten he held and realized it wasn't too far off from the same concept. "I found these kittens in a box not too far from the tower."

"Oh," Bruce said so softly that Tony wouldn't have heard it if they weren't standing so close.

"I immediately called Jane and asked her why it might be that a box of kittens would be left on the sidewalk," Thor continued. "She explained to me that it is something humans do when they no longer wish to care for creatures or go through the trouble of finding them new homes."

Tony felt any further frustration deflate. He glanced at Bruce and could see his attempt to school his expression to a neutral one. He looked back at Thor to see his open pity over such a thing. He couldn't deny his own sadness. He was only human after all and not totally heartless.

"Yeah," he said. "It's not one of humanity's better traits." As if on cue, the other three Avengers came into the lounge and were stunned by the sight of the kittens. "Thor found them abandoned in a box outside the tower," Tony explained with a sigh.

Immediately the other three, even Natasha in her more subtle way, began fawning over the helpless little creatures. Tony shook his head. He didn't have to be a genius to see what was about to happen. He startled slightly when he felt Bruce's hand tugging slightly at his arm.

Tony turned and before he could blink let alone protest Bruce handed him the orange kitten. He looked down at the mewling little thing and couldn't stop a smile when it immediately began to climb up his arm until it was close enough to nudge his face with its head.

In spite of that Tony said in a low voice, "We can't keep seven kittens, Bruce."

"I never said we should," Bruce replied easily.

Tony sighed and nudged the kitten back. "We really can't," he tried again.

"I agree," Bruce said.

Tony grabbed the orange kitten carefully from his shoulder and held it in both hands, moving it to look at it face to face. Bruce reached his own hand over to scratch the kitten's head as Tony held it. The kitten looked downright content and a quick glance at Bruce showed much of the same. In fact, all of them looked content and it helped him make up his mind.

"We can't keep _seven_ kittens," he repeated, emphasizing to make his new point known. Bruce immediately met his eyes with a small smile. "We'll have to find homes for some of them," he said louder so that the others could hear and they all looked at him immediately.

Thor's eyes widened hopefully, as did Steve's and Clint's to a slighter extent. Natasha mostly seemed surprised.

"Do you mean we can keep them?" Thor asked to the point. "Because I was going to ask. I just wasn't sure how to breach the topic."

Tony shook his head slightly in defeat and Bruce chuckled softly beside him. "Now I know how my dad felt when I brought home that turtle," Tony muttered. Then answering Thor he said, "A few of them. But dibs on this one. Thomas here is mine and Bruce's," he said with a wide smile.

"Did you hear that, little ones?" Thor immediately began fawning openly over the kittens again. "Tony says we can keep you."

"Some of you," Tony tried firmly, but it felt like a losing battle. He could just foresee a cat on every floor. Especially when Thor, Clint and Steve immediately began considering names.

"This one's ours huh?" Bruce interrupted his thoughts. "You want to share?"

"Well, he clearly chose both of us," Tony answered with a smirk and passed the kitten to Bruce. "Thomas would be sad if we made him pick which one of us he likes more." He then gave an exaggerated frown.

"You do realize Thomas is a girl right?" Bruce looked at him in incredulous amusement.

Tony blinked a few times. "Okay, I do now. But I still say we call her Thomas. She'll be hip. Modern. Like all the little girls named James and Dylan."

Bruce rolled his eyes, but smiled. "Fine, we'll call her Thomas."

_\+ 11 Hours Later +_

Tony could admit that the little ball of fluff they'd named Thomas was growing on him immensely. She followed him and Bruce around all day long and when one of them wasn't around she would start crying until the missing genius returned. So naturally they had no choice other than to make sure they were in the same general proximity at all times until she could get over her separation anxiety. Sure, that wasn't all that difficult since the two men spent a lot of their free hours in the same general proximity – or joined at the hip as the others would insist – but as Bruce's eyes drooped a little where he sat on Tony's living room floor with Thomas in his lap it struck the engineer that they hadn't considered sleeping arrangements.

Tony was debating whether or not to nudge Bruce and discuss it when JARVIS alerted them to Thor asking if he could visit. Since Tony hadn't really wanted to discuss it just yet, or at all, he quickly agreed to the request and soon they were joined by Thor and two more kittens.

"Hey, Thor," Bruce greeted first, a little drowsily, as he moved Thomas and made to get up off the floor. He groaned as he did. "I'm getting to old for this," he complained with a chuckle as he moved up onto the couch beside Tony and fell back into the cushions tiredly. Or at least Tony thought he meant to just fall back into the cushions, but instead he slid diagonally and against him with an _oof_.

"Why, Dr. Banner," Tony said with as much bad flirtation as possible, not missing a beat, "this is so sudden."

"I should just use you as a pillow the rest of the night and see if you still find it funny in the morning when you have a crick in your neck and tendinitis."

"The kind of love that hurts so good," Tony quipped easily in response.

Bruce groaned and pushed off of him. "I give up."

Thor chuckled deeply. "Watching you two together is always amusing. I came to say thank you."

"For?" Tony looked at Bruce and then Thor.

"For allowing the kittens to stay," he answered. "I know you don't like to show it, but you are a good man with a big heart for those who need your care."

"Yeah, he kind of is, isn't he?" Bruce said with an almost sigh and looked at Tony with a small smile. Tony's eyebrows shot upward in surprise at the gesture.

"Those kittens needed us," Thor continued, not that Tony was really paying attention at this point, "but I think you saw how much we needed them." Tony finally broke his gaze away from Bruce when the physicist looked back at Thor. "You have the heart of a warrior, protector and provider."

Tony furrowed his brow at the way Thor spoke solemnly and bowed his head a little reverentially.

"Hear that, dad jeans?" Bruce asked in a soft voice, leaning back toward him ever so slightly. "I think he's saying you have the heart of a father."

"That's maybe a little sexist to mothers," Tony whispered back, leaning in as well.

He could practically feel the vibration of Bruce's answering chortle. "Maybe." Then he turned his head slightly and they locked eyes for a few seconds before Bruce ducked his head and then looked back at Thor. "But being compared to a good dad is definitely a compliment." He hitched a shoulder. "Is in my book anyway."

Tony smiled and then helped Thomas up into his lap from where she'd been scaling his leg with her tiny claws. "Then that's what matters," Tony said earnestly.

 

Then there was their lone daughter. Their scary, ass-kicking, emotionally constipated daughter who, if Tony thought about it too hard, would kind of make weird sense if she'd been raised by them. She hid her self-depreciation with every bit of deflection in her wheelhouse. It was almost terrifying how he'd gone from thinking about sleeping with Natalie Rushman to wanting to see Natasha Romanov blossom and find love and live happily after like the special flower she was.

 

"Oh my god." Tony looked at Bruce in alarm and felt his chest actually tighten with concern as he stepped out of his suit. Trepidation too, but mostly concern. "Bruce, oh my god."

"I know," Bruce agreed and actually took hold of his arm. "We have to do something."

Tony nodded slowly and in sync they moved toward where Natasha sat on the steps up a dilapidated building. It was cold and the snow was falling gently around her and Tony couldn't help but think she looked like a lost child. But the kicker, the thing that alerted them to her distress, was that she was actually crying.

She didn't try to run or sting them when they each sat down on either side of her. She only said, "You're inadequately dressed for Russian winter." Which, was true. Bruce was in one of his throwaway outfits should Hulk have been needed and Tony was in his typical spandex muscle shirt and pants that he wore in his suit.

"So let's talk fast and get back to tropical Manhattan," Tony said around a shiver.

She squeezed her arms and her closed eyes tightened. Tony saw no other alternative so wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into an awkward sideways embrace. To his surprise she didn't even flinch. She went malleable in his arms like this was what she wanted even if she wouldn't admit it under regular circumstances.

"Where are we, Tasha?" Bruce asked gently.

It was that tone of voice that Tony was beginning to realize was meant for everyone on the team when they needed it. Well, everyone but him, but he was beginning to realize that was okay too. He didn't mind it so much anymore when Bruce was showing his concern for their little band of misfits. It was endearing and another one of those traits he'd come to recognize and love in the other man.

"He brought us here on purpose," she said of the villain they'd been chasing like a ghost off and on for a few months now. "This was where I—" She cut herself off and shook her head.

"Oh," Bruce said and Tony met his eyes across the top of Natasha's head. They were both thinking the same thing since they knew a little of her history.

"This is where they…" She pushed away from Tony then and willed her tears away with cold neutrality. "This is where I was unmade. This is where they took my brain and played. This… This is where they made me a monster." Tony saw Bruce's eyes flash with green and he didn't feel very far off as rage broiled within him.

"How do I fix this?" Tony asked sharply with an exhale of breath, startling Natasha so that she looked at him with wet, confused light green eyes. "Give me the names. All of them. We're Avengers. Let me avenge this."

"It's probably a terrible idea, but if you want Hulk to smash just say the words. You know he will," Bruce said in soft contrast to that declaration of violence.

Natasha glanced back and forth between them. Then she looked at her hands in front of her. "Revenge doesn't help. I've tried."

"That's why I said avenge," Tony countered and squeezed her shoulders. "We do this for you. There's a difference."

That seemed to confuse her even further. "Why? I'm not asking you to, but why would you?"

Tony smiled. "Not sure if you've noticed this, but I have very strong feelings against people who make others think they're monsters when they're not."

"He does," Bruce confirmed and placed a hand on her arm just below where Tony's hand rested. "And you're part of our team now. Sure, it doesn't make sense, but between you and me I've stopped trying to make sense of it. We were all brought together and for better or worse we're a team now. So if this is a worse moment for you, we're here to make it better."

" _You_ mean that?" Natasha cocked her head and looked at Bruce in a calculating way.

"Shocking right?" Bruce asked with a chuckle. "So if I can believe in what we've all found together then I think you can too if you try. You're a lot better at, well, everything than I am."

"We're here for you," Tony reassured her. "I might not always act like it, but, hey, that's just because I've got my own issues to work through. I used to do the lone wolf thing, remember?"

She snorted. "How could I forget, Boss?"

He snorted too. "But you were there to stab me with a needle when I needed it so this is me saying I owe you." He then let go of her shoulders finally. "But more than that, I want to. At any time. No ledger. If I help you it's because you deserve it. Not because I expect payback."

Her lips quirked upward. "I have it on good authority I couldn't afford you."

"Very true," he teased.

"Okay, so I think I'm going to make an executive decision," Bruce interjected then. "None of us are adequately dressed for this Russian winter."

Natasha gave a loud, ugly snort but it was genuine. Tony barked out a laugh as well. But if he were being honest, he felt a little warm at the moment in the most saccharine sense.

_\+ 18 hours later +_

"I really don…" Tony sneezed and then groaned. "I really don't want this," he continued to protest as he looked down at the strange soup in the bowl on the tray Natasha sat on his lap about five minutes prior.

She muttered at him in Russian and then gave a pointed look at Bruce when he returned with a humidifier in hand. "He's being difficult," she said and shook her head.

Tony glowered while Bruce just smiled. "When is he not?" The physicist looked at him teasingly before mimicking his glower as he set up the humidifier.

"I don't do Russian home remedies," Tony complained before sneezing and then following it with a series of coughs. "Bruce, can't you just give me a little of your irradiated blood? Mutate me a bit?"

Bruce really did glare at him then from where he sat on his knees beside the couch. "Absolutely not. I like you healthy, normal, and not at all mutated thank you very much."

"You like me? Hey, Natasha, he likes me," he called over to Natasha playfully. She rolled her eyes and muttered again – and honestly Tony wasn't even so sure it was Russian anymore.

Then she looked at him with a sharp quirk of her lips. "He said he likes you healthy and normal. You're neither. So what he was really saying is he doesn't like you."

Tony gasped melodramatically. "That is hurtful."

"And false," Bruce offered.

"For that I should evict you and Vlad. Also, I still can't believe you named your cat Vlad." Tony narrowed his eyes at her, but she just shrugged. He then looked around. "Where's Thomas at?"

"Downstairs in my apartment so she doesn't catch your cold," Bruce answered, still sat on his knees looking at Tony.

Tony frowned. At least Thomas didn't have the separation anxiety anymore – even if it meant no more impromptu sleepovers – but he kind of missed the little furball when she wasn't around. Weird.

"But what if I want the company?" He felt he was entitled to a little sick-pouting.

"What am I?" Bruce gave an incredulous chuckle. He then pointed at the bowl. "Now eat your soup." Tony made a face, but finally took a bite just the same. He held it in his mouth however when the pungent flavor hit his tongue and he looked down at the bowl in very serious contemplation. "No, swallow," Bruce said so casually that Tony choked down the soup and sputtered.

"Oh god," Natasha muttered.

Bruce's eyes widened. "Do you ever stop?" Tony opened his mouth, but Bruce groaned and shook his head. "Don't answer that. Just don't. I'm leaving," he threatened.

"Hey," Tony really pouted this time, "wait. I'll stop. What about the company?"

"Tasha is still here," he said looking down at him from where he'd stood to his feet. Then he furrowed his brow in sync with Tony.

Tony looked at the woman and sure enough she seemed to be discreetly hanging around longer than she was usually wont to do. At first he had thought she'd been feeling a little guilty for his having caught cold in Russia, hence the disgusting soup. Now it began to dawn on him that Clint and Steve had left to follow a lead elsewhere and Thor was in Asgard. _She_ wanted the company.

"You know, I wouldn't mind it if you stuck around too," Tony offered her casually. "I vote movie marathon. That always makes me feel better when I'm sick. Want to join?" Unsurprisingly, Natasha gave them a suspicious look and contemplated it in a manner that he supposed would make her feel less obvious. "I mean, no pressure or anything. If you don't want to be stuck here with my germs, I understand." He then gave a pout. Bruce looked at him with a thin knowing smile, guessing his tactic of making it about himself.

"Really, Stark. You're an old man. Pouting is unbecoming." He pouted more exaggeratedly in response. "Fine. But I pick the first movie. We're watching _Footloose_."

"Really?" Bruce looked at her as he sat back down on the floor with his back against the front. "Don't cough on me," he said in playful warning to Tony as he did.

"It's not like you can get sick," Tony groused. "Alright, _Footloose_ it is," he said and Natasha sat in the armchair. "A little random, but, hey, can't argue with Kevin Bacon."

She gave a very small smile. "It's a very liberating movie."

She wouldn't elaborate or talk about what they'd discussed the day before, but Tony had a feeling that revelation was her way of saying _thanks for not making this difficult._ And that was a very nice start. 

"Psst," Bruce whispered not long after the movie started. Tony looked down to see his head splayed backwards on the couch cushion to look upside down at him. There was a twinkle in his eyes and crooked smile on his lips. "For the record, sometimes it's becoming when you pout."

 

Silence seemed to reverberate around the plaza as Tony lie prone on the ground following the battle. Steve, Clint, Natasha and Thor could only stand by in shock as Bruce hurried from where he'd been waiting in case he was needed and straight to the engineer's side in distress.

"No," he said in worry. "No, no, no, Tony, you... You can't." He pressed the manual release and shook his head when the suit opened to reveal Tony's unconscious form. "No," he growled and the others looked at one another in shared pity. "Tony, please," Bruce said as he began checking the other man's vitals, not letting go of his hand after he did. "Your light is still on. I know you're still alive. You're still alive, _damn it_ ," he practically demanded in a distraught tone. "You are alive, do you hear me?" Then he choked on a sob as SHIELD responders rushed to the scene. "You can't go, Tony. You can't leave me."

"Dr. Banner, you need to let us do our job," one of the agents said, but Bruce only moved just enough for them to awkwardly work around him.

"Bruce," Steve was the first to try to intervene, "he's not going to leave you."

"We need to get him back to headquarters immediately," the other agent said and Bruce went tense.

"Tranq me," he said suddenly. "Tranq me, Clint. _Now_ ," he growled.

Clint obliged and soon Bruce lie prone near Tony, hand still clinging to his.

_\+ 32 Hours Later +_

Tony couldn't quite remember how he got back home at the tower let alone in bed. He was less sure of why he felt bruised all over. But perhaps the strangest thing about his current position was the fact that he had his arms wrapped around another body and said body had arms wrapped around him as well and was nestled nicely against his chest. Even that was trumped however when Tony realized it wasn't just any body. It was Bruce.

He looked around in disbelief. "When did this happen?"

"He's awake!" Thor's voice boomed and Tony winced, head throbbing a little, before realizing Thor had been sitting in a chair beside the bed. "JARVIS, alert the others."

Bruce startled awake too, cutely looking around in alarm before registering him. "Tony?" He looked up with wide eyes, studying him. Then his head fell back down to Tony's chest in obvious relief and he wrapped his arms just a little more tightly around him. "You're okay. You're awake."

Tony didn't know how to react other than instinctively. That is to say he tightened his own embrace on the physicist and let himself think about how good waking up like this felt, even with the slight confusion he felt. Before he could say anything the rest of the team entered the room and stood at the foot of the bed.

"Okay, I'm starting to feel a little like Dorothy," he mused.

At that Bruce finally broke the embrace and helped him to sit upright in the bed. However rather than retreat immediately Bruce kept hold of his arm and they locked eyes. Tony searched Bruce's for answers, wanting nothing more than to-

"Would you two just kiss already?" Tony's eyes widened at the same time as Bruce's and they turned in sync toward the team. Clint had posed the question, but they were all standing there expectantly.

"Clint is right. Why are you still not together?" Thor asked.

"Even I think it's a little sad," Steve said with a shrug.

"Look," Natasha stepped forward, "I don't know if you're both just stupid or in denial or if you have real reasons for not pursuing this, but you're already like an old married couple-"

"With kids," Clint interjected breezily.

"-so you might as well get the other benefits out of it."

"What, like right now?" Tony asked with a raised brow as he tried to process everything.

"No!" Steve admonished with a raised hand. "Please no. We're just saying it's been obvious from day one that you're crazy about him and now it's pretty obvious the feeling is mutual."

Tony's mouth fell open. "It is? What the hell did I miss?" He looked at Bruce.

"I, I..." Bruce looked put on the spot for a moment. Then he shook his head. "They better not be wrong," he mumbled. Before Tony could ask what he meant, Bruce surged forward and kissed him. It was a little awkward given the surprise of it, but Tony could work with that and so quickly did. 

"Why didn't we do this sooner?" Tony asked contentedly when they pulled apart.

"I didn't know you wanted to," Bruce said and Tony captured his lips again in response to such a ridiculous notion. 

"What more did I have to do to prove otherwise?" Tony asked incredulously, pulling away again. " _I_ didn't know _you_ wanted to."

"Why do you think the flirting made me uncomfortable? I thought you weren't serious because you never actually-" Tony pulled him into a bruising kiss that could leave nothing left to doubt with any luck. "-made a move," Bruce finished in a stunned, breathless tone.

"Total dads _and_ total idiots," Clint said with a derisive snort.

Steve chuckled. "Yeah, but they're our idiots."

"Lucky us," Natasha said and it almost sounded genuinely fond.

"Perhaps we should... go," Thor suggested next.

Tony broke away from another long kiss with Bruce and looked at them with a raised eyebrow. "Hey, I have no qualms whatsoever with voyeurism, but dad shirt might." He looked at Bruce with a smirk.

"Don't care at the moment. Dad shirt just wants dad jeans out of those six hundred dollar pants," Bruce replied with his own smirk.

Tony's mouth fell open. "Why, Dr. Banner. I didn't know you had it in you," he teased.

"Okay, no, old man sex is definitely not on my list of voyeuristic preferences. I'm out," Clint said. "Come on, Steve. This definitely wouldn't do you any good either."

"Actually, it could prove educational for him," Thor suggested with surprising impishness as he followed.

"We had old man sex in the 40s," Steve protested.

Natasha was the last to go with a, "Have fun you two. But not too much fun. Seriously, we'd like to get at least a couple more years out of you on the team before you retire." She smirked as she closed the door behind her.

When they were all gone Tony couldn't hold back his laughter anymore and Bruce joined him. "What just happened?"

"I think... I think they just officially elected us as their honorary den fathers," Bruce said between laughs as he leaned into Tony's shoulder for support. "And they called us old."

"Old, huh?" Tony narrowed his eyes on the closed door. "JARVIS, cut off all of the other Avengers' tech. They're definitely grounded."


	3. Date Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a prompt fill for [boxesofpepesilva](http://boxesofpepesilva.tumblr.com) on Tumblr. Prompt in end notes. Hope it's okay :3 I wasn't sure how to format it, whose POV it should mostly be in, etc. It kind of turned more into an Uncle Clint-driven story oops.
> 
> Purely for the sake of one scene in this oneshot, I went with an original daughter vs. an original son or establish kid. Her name is Maria this time (I suppose she could be the same Maria from the first ficlet in this collection if you want to headcanon it that way *shrugs*).

"Okay, so we'll probably be gone until eleven," Tony says to Clint, briefing him like it's a mission. He then looks over at Bruce with a leer. "Midnight or one if I'm lucky," he says.

"Whatever," Clint says with a shrug. "I don't have anywhere to be and I can crash on your couch after the munchkin is asleep."

"We'll see I guess." Tony clicks his teeth together in consideration of anything else. "You know you can always order whatever you want for your dinner since we've got Maria's covered. If she starts begging for something sweet after dinner she can have some blueberries or peaches that are in the fridge with just _a tad_ of whip cream and drizzle of honey. But not after 7:30 sharp. And obviously if anything comes up, JARVIS will alert us immediately and walk you through it all."

"You know, maybe this isn't a good idea," Bruce says tentatively as he finishes placing Maria's plate of dinner on the table.

"Hey, if you want to stay home we can," Tony replies easily with a hitch of a shoulder before looking over at their daughter. "Maria, come get your dinner, princess." He then looks back at Bruce. "Seriously, you know I'm just as happy spending our evening in just the three of us." He then mumbles under his breath, "Like every other night."

Bruce glances at him in a playfully sharp manner to let him know he heard. He then looks past Tony to where Maria is still working on a puzzle. He sighs a little and walks over to the almost three year old. He crouches down next to her toddler-sized table.

"Did you hear daddy?"

"Ummmmm?" She draws her response out and then nods. "Yes."

"Were you having fun with the puzzle or are you playing the not listening game again?" Bruce asks her point blank and she looks down at her puzzle with the small twitch of her lips that Tony recognizes as her guilty smile. By the way Bruce sighs again he knows he noticed it too. "Maria, you can finish those two pieces there and then you need to come eat."

She starts pouting and folds her arms defiantly. Tony shakes his head as he comes over to stand beside Bruce as he stands up straight. He puts his hand on the small of Bruce's back in parental solidarity.

"Princess, daddy is being reasonable. So do as he says," he tells her. "Finish the pieces and then go eat."

Clint suddenly lets out a derisive snort. They both look at him. "No way I'm letting you two stay in. You are clearly beat. Uncle Clint's got this. And Uncle Thor said he'll drop in to help later."

"You're positive it's okay?" Bruce asks him again for good measure.

"You act like I'm going to let her play with my arrows or something. Yes, go. You need a break. Leave."

"Daddies leaving?" Maria startles and looks up at them, puzzle forgotten.

Bruce reaches down and hauls her up into his arms. "Daddy and I are going out, remember? Uncle Clint is going to stay with you for a little bit until we get back."

"I want to go too," she says with another pout.

"Stay strong, Bruce," Tony urges under his breath in Bruce's ear.

"You stay strong," Bruce mumbles back knowingly. They're both suckers when she starts to do her sad face. "Sorry, baby," he says to their daughter with a small pout of his own, "you can't come with us this time. Daddy and I...err..."

"Daddy and I have to go do grown up daddy things," Tony supplies as he pushes a strand of her hair back behind her ear. "You wouldn't have any fun if you went. You'll have lots more fun here with Uncle Clint and maybe Uncle Thor."

"Okay," she gives in with a sad nod and Tony kisses her on her head as does Bruce.

Bruce then sets her down. "You be good for Uncle Clint. We'll see you in the morning, okay?"

She stands there looking up at them as if contemplating their words before nodding and running over to the dining table.

Tony looks at his watch. "We should get going."

Bruce nods and they gather up their things and head for the door.

"Have fun with your grown up daddy things," Clint teases as they go.

Bruce glances at Tony with a small, almost devious smile and knowing gleam in his eyes. Tony returns the look and once they're in the privacy of the elevator kisses him a little senseless because it's little things like this that remind him why he fell in love with Dr. Banner.

*

Clint isn't sure how it all snowballed out of control so quickly. One minute he's telling Tony and Bruce to go have their date night while he babysits their daughter and the next their daughter is having a meltdown over her dinner.

"It's—s, it's touch-ing," she says between wails and snivels.

Clint looks helplessly at her plate. A few of her dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets are slightly soggy from gravy and her peas are touching her carrots. He frowns because he knows from plenty of experiences dining with the little family that Bruce and Tony usually put her food on plates with dividers for this very reason. He wonders why they didn't this time. Maybe they're trying to help her get over this particular quirk?

"Maria," Clint tries, "the food will still taste the same. It's still good. Actually, chicken nuggets are better when you dip them in mashed potatoes." She looks up at him with absolutely distressed eyes. "See, look." He grabs one and dips it before sticking it in his mouth. "Yum."

"Ewwww!!!!" She screeches in response

Clint decides her dads can play this psychological game with her later and moves to the kitchen quickly to find a partitioned plate. Finding none he opts for a few small regular plates. He then brings them back to the table and begins moving the different foods onto separate plates. He shucks the two chicken nuggets with too much gravy on them for good measure.

"There. How's that?" He looks at her questioningly. "No more touching foods."

She snivels once more as she inspects his handiwork and then her face lights up with a smile and she claps her hands excitedly. "Not touching!" She cheers and then immediately begins eating as if nothing had happened. Clint breathes a sigh of relief.

"You're welcome," he says and then moves to the fridge to find something for himself to hold him over until the pizza he'd just had JARVIS order arrives.

"Um, um, Uncle, um, Uncle Clint, um why isn't there robots?" She fumbles to get her question across.

Clint furrows his brow and sits down at the table. "Robots?"

"Yeah." She looks down at one of her chicken nuggets like her dads look at science experiments. "Only dinosaurs. I want robots."

He finally catches her meaning. "You want robot chicken nuggets?" She nods as she puts the chicken nugget almost fully in her mouth. He can’t help a small chuckle. “Yeah, that figures. Why don’t you ask your rich daddies to buy a chicken nugget factory and make robot nuggets for you?” he muses teasingly.

Maria looks at him strangely before bursting into a fit of giggles. He’s not even sure she understood it entirely or if it was just his sarcastic tone. After a moment she stops giggling and starts eating again. It's blessedly quiet for a short time.

“Where daddies go?” She breaks the silence and looks at him with knitted eyebrows as she finishes her last chicken nugget.

Clint contemplates the question. "They went on a date," he answers finally. With luck that'll be enough to suffice.

He isn't lucky.

"What's that?" She wrinkles her nose.

"Um. It's something grown-ups do when they want to spend time together just the two of them."

"Why?"

"Jeez," he mutters and scrubs a hand down his face. "It's, uh, it's because they love each other," he tries and she seems to brighten at that so he goes with it. "Yeah. They love each other and they want to keep that love strong and healthy so they need to go do things together."

"What things?" she asks next and Clint's eyes widen.

"Well, that, uh, that depends," he answers vaguely. Her round eyes are still fixed on him expectantly. "They might go to dinner. They might go watch a grown up movie. They might want to dance. There's usually kissy faces." He cringes and looks at her to see her hanging on his every word regarding the mystery of what her dads might be up to. He should probably stop there for both of their sake. "So, hey kiddo, when's bedtime again?"

She immediately looks scandalized, face drawing up into a scowl, and rightly so. Even he knows it's too early for her to go to bed, but on the bright side the previous subject has been derailed.

"Not yet," she whines, clearly believing he might try to make her go to bed already. "Daddies always play with me for this many," she holds up all ten of her fingers and Clint's not sure if she means it only as ten minutes or just as an indication of a long time since ten of anything is likely a lot by her simple logic. "And they always read me a story too. And daddies lemme say 'night to bots and to Javis and, and, and I get tea." She looks up at him then with a very demanding sort of look.

Clint blinks several times as he tries to process the nightly routine from her point of view. "Wow, kid. Anybody ever tell you you're spoiled?" He asks her with a raised eyebrow.

She giggles delightedly, like she _knows_ it's true and is proud of it. "Daddy does!"

"Hmm." Clint's genuinely curious. "Which daddy says that?"

Maria giggles again, bringing one of her small hands up to her mouth to try and hold it in. "Doctor-daddy," she says in a conspiratorial fashion, "when iron-daddy buys me toys." She beams wide at Clint.

"Yeah, I guess I can see doctor-daddy doing that," Clint says with a snort, referring to Bruce by the pet name Maria had started using out of the blue after having heard him referred to by others as Dr. Banner. Of course, Tony then had been jealous and pouty about it until Maria had started calling him iron-daddy – with perhaps a little prompting from the other Avengers because Tony's pouting had been a little sad. "Okay, spoiled girl," Clint says with a shake of his head, "what do you want to play?"

*

Bruce laughs around a bite of couscous and nearly chokes on it. Tony is pressed against his side, bowled over by his own laughter as he holds his ribs. It’s the little moments like this that makes Bruce grateful he’d let Tony break down his walls and take a chance on them and then again on starting a family.

Because nothing could beat having a cozy dinner for two in a discreet room of the Tower while watching their daughter put Uncle Clint through his paces with a pretty princess tea party. Maybe it’s unethical using JARVIS’ HD feed to spy on them, but it’s definitely worth it.

“Hold still, Uncle Clint,” Maria says firmly as she applies her sparkly lip gloss to his lips. “You look so pretty,” she cheers when she steps back. She then makes a kissy face with her lips. She doesn’t stop until he sighs, imitates her and flutters his eyelashes for good measure. “Mwah!” she exclaims.

“Mwah,” Clint echoes far less enthusiastically.

“Remind me to replace her lip gloss with a new one,” Bruce says with a grimace. Tony finishes his laughter with a hard snort of agreement.

“Yeah, who knows where the bird’s beak has been. But you’ve gotta admit she made him look better.”

“Definitely,” Bruce agrees and reaches for a bite of food on Tony’s plate.

“Are you sure your dads dress up when you play pretty princess tea party?” Clint asks dubiously. Maria giggles as she puts a dress on her Hulk doll. “Because I’m starting to think maybe I’ve been played.” He crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow, and Bruce thinks the tiara maybe ruins the effect a little. “Do they, Maria?”

“Yes,” she says with a firm nod before beginning to pour the pretend tea.

“Uh oh,” Bruce says with a shake of his head. “We probably shouldn’t let her get away with lying.” Even if it’s not technically a lie, he thinks.

“It’s not technically a lie,” Tony says aloud much to Bruce’s surprise. He blinks owlishly at him. Tony holds up another bite of food in offer and Bruce lets himself be fed while he awaits Tony’s explanation. “One time I let her give me the full princess make over,” he says and sets his plate aside. Bruce follows suit with his own plate.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, she asked so shyly like she just knew daddy would say no.” Tony shrugs and smiles. “So I said yes and she got such a kick out of it—"

Bruce can’t help himself and practically assaults Tony with a kiss. “I love how much you love our daughter,” Bruce says breathlessly against his lips. “Such a good papa bear,” he says a little goofily, but it’s just that he feels like he’s the luckiest man in the world.

“Wow,” Tony says in earnest. “And here I thought you’d say I was indulging her too much again.”

Bruce coughs and blushes. “That would maybe be hypocritical of me. I’ve, uh, played dress up with her too a couple of times. The full works—"

This time he’s the one assaulted. Maybe their daddy issues are a little embarrassing, Bruce thinks from time to time, but nevertheless the other being a wonderful dad is definitely something that does it for both of them. The other Avengers have teased them on more than one occasion.

"Who's the good papa bear now?" Tony asks, nibbling at his ear as he does. It's more of a turn on than it has any right being.

"Uncle Thor!" Maria cheers back on the screen drawing their attention away from one another. "You can join us for pretty princess tea party!" She jumps up and down in her small chair and claps. "Princess Clint, tell Princess Thor to join us," Maria then says to the man sitting comically at the small table.

"Oh, yes," Clint says with an obviously forced smile. "You should join us, Princess Thor."

"I would love too. Thank you for the invitation, Fair Princess Maria," Thor says without hesitance and a big, genuine smile.

Bruce and Tony immediately share a look. "Rain check?" Tony asks with an amused grin.

Bruce kisses him one more time and then nods. "Rain check."

They settle back into the couch and each others arms to watch the entertainment their precious daughter provides.

*

"Uncle Clint, can I have some blueberries?" Maria asks Clint with a tug on his sleeve while he washes off his make up in the kitchen. Clint sighs and looks down at her big, round eyes. He glances at the clock. It's 7:45. "Please?"

"I guess 15 minutes won't hurt anything. Besides, what's the point of being Uncle Clint if I don't spoil you a little and disregard your daddies' rules, huh?"

"Um?" She looks a little confused.

"No need to answer that, kid. Probably best. That way you can't be interrogated." Thor comes into the kitchen then, hair in a perfect French braid. "You can take that out now, you know. And can you pull out the blueberries?"

"But your braiding rivals those of our court hairdressers in Asgard," Thor counters as he opens the refrigerator. "A good braid is a noble thing. I should take you to Asgard so you could teach our hairdressers your skills."

Clint dries off his face and looks at him incredulously. "Seriously?"

Thor laughs heartily and shakes his head. "No, we have no need for hairdressers. Asgardians learn to braid from the womb, but it _is_ a very nice braid."

Clint rolls his eyes. Until he notices Thor has removed not only blueberries, but also ice cream. “Uh, what’s with the ice cream?”

“It looks good.” Thor shrugs. Clint looks at Maria and sees her eyes wide with obvious desire before she opens her mouth.

“Uncle Thor I want ice cream too!”

“Okay,” he says without batting an eye.

“Uh, no. Not okay,” Clint interjects. “Tony said she can only have like blueberries with a little whip cream and a drizzle of honey.”

Thor looks down at Maria’s dejected face thoughtfully. “Are whip cream and ice cream not similar?” He looks back at Clint. “Might we exchange one for the other?”

Clint considers the question, looks down at Maria as well and then shrugs. “I guess it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.”

“Yay!” Maria jumps up and down and Clint smiles. There’s probably a reason she’s spoiled. There’s just no way any of them can resist her enthusiasm.

Thor places three bowls on the island and then lifts Maria up onto the counter top to sit and watch. Clint rummages through the cabinets in search of the honey. When he turns back around his eyes go wide.

"That's way too much, you idiot," Clint chastises as he marches back over and sets down the honey. By Maria's similarly wide eyed stare at the bowls comprising each of a third of the whole pint of ice cream, she knows as well as he does that it's more ice cream than she's supposed to have.

"Nonsense," Thor counters. "She is a growing warrior and deserves to feast."

"This isn't Asgard and do you really think Bruce and Tony would like you referring to their only child as a warrior. That's probably the last thing they'd want her to be given the circumstances. Also, what kind of warrior feasts on sugar?"

"You feast on pizza. I see no nutritional difference." Clint's scowl twitches and he huffs before walking a few paces away, considering the situation. "I was going to make sundaes for us like Darcy showed me. It's like eating happiness in a bowl," Thor says and Clint has to admit he could go for a really good sundae. "But it would be unfair if you and I had sundaes and not Maria."

Clint shakes his head. "Her dads are going to kill us. Bruce will probably have Hulk smash you and Tony's going to invent something cruel and horrible to finish me off." Maria giggles and Clint turns to look at them with a smirk. "That is if they find out."

*

Natasha groans and looks at the clock. She closes her book with a roll of her eyes and answers her phone.

"It's 11:30. Shouldn't you two be otherwise occupied?" She looks at the two men on the screen with a raised eyebrow. "Or is the magic lost now that you have a kid?"

"Oh no, the magic is most definitely not lost," Tony replies as he looks at Bruce with bedroom eyes.

Bruce shakes his head at Tony's antics before looking at the screen again. "Sorry to bother you, Tasha, but our dad senses were tingling."

Natasha snorts. "You asked Clint to babysit. Of course they were."

"And since we were kind of hoping to go ahead and savor the magic all night—"

"Stop there," Natasha cuts Tony off.

"Can you maybe go check in on them?" Bruce asks politely. "Just a quick check?"

"And don't let them know we were worried," Tony adds.

Natasha rolls her eyes. "I'm doing this for Maria," she says plainly. "She shouldn't have to suffer because her dads were stupid enough to let Uncle Clint—"

" _And_ Uncle Thor," Tony interjects.

Natasha's eyes widen and she calls berates their stupidity in Russian. "I'll give you a call if it's too bad," she says seriously and ends the call, barely hearing their thanks.

Natasha then wastes no time in making her way up to their apartment. The moment she steps into the space she lets loose a string of expletives in Russian and Clint immediately freezes and turns around very slowly to look at her. Natasha's eyes dart from him to the chaos unfolding in the Stark and Banner home.

"I don't want to go to bed!" Maria is crying uncontrollably. She looks exhausted and cranky and her face is red and wet as she clings to her Hulk doll. "I want," she snivels violently, "I want to wait, to wait 'til daddies tuck me in."

"Your daddies may not be home until morning," Thor tries, but it only elicits an eardrum shattering wail from the little girl.

Natasha immediately pushes past both of them and crouches down in front of Maria. " _Спокойствие_ ," she murmurs. " _Все отлично_." She pulls her into her arms and smooths down her hair.

Maria calms down, but continues to snivel. "I want… my daddies…"

"Shh, it's okay. Your daddies will be home soon. Do you want to watch a movie with your Uncle Clint and Uncle Thor?" She offers a compromise since clearly the little girl is distressed and also she seems a little flush. Maria nods. "Go get your pillow and blanket, okay?"

"Okay," Maria says with another snivel and goes to do so.

Natasha stands upright and looks at Clint and Thor, crossing her arms. She also takes stock of the mess of crayons and toys and what looks like three empty bowls of what had been ice cream.

"What happened?"

Clint scratches the back of his neck and shrugs. "She wouldn't go to sleep at bedtime. Kept getting up and coming back in here. Figured it might have been the ice cream we gave her so I figured she could stay up a little later and we'd try to burn the energy with more play time." He lets his hand fall and looks at her with a shake of his head. "Then it just spiraled out of control. Next thing I know it's 11 and everything I say just sets her off. Tried offering to read her a story, but I didn't read it like Tony does. I tried making her tea, but apparently my tea is gross and she started crying about wanting Bruce. And I don't feel comfortable taking her to their lab so she can say goodnight to the robots so apparently I'm the meanest person ever. And to top things off she can't remember where her Iron Man doll is." 

Natasha lets out a sigh she'd been holding throughout his spiel. "Your first mistake was ice cream. I know Bruce and Tony wouldn't be okay with that. And now you know why."

"I feel that is my error," Thor says solemnly.

"Also, you should have just taken her to the lab. JARVIS would let you in," Natasha points out next.

"Yes, I did try to make that point known," JARVIS chimes in at that moment. "Miss Maria says goodnight to her father's robots every night without fail. I do not see the need for breaking this routine." He almost sounds indignant, she thinks.

"Alright," Natasha says and unfolds her arms. "One of you is going to take her down to the lab for five minutes. Not a minute more or less. I'm counting on JARVIS to keep track."

"My pleasure, Ms. Romanoff," JARVIS replies and he does sound pleased.

"And since I'm assuming neither of you actually looked for her doll, that's what the other will do. I'll help you," Natasha offers. "Then if we can't find it, we'll just have to tell her her daddies will help her find it in the morning. When she's done telling the robots goodnight, you're going to watch her favorite movie with her until she crashes on the couch. Aunt Natasha isn't going to stick around long since this is your responsibility."

Clint studies her for a long moment. "Why did you stop by to begin with? Did JARVIS alert you?"

"I assure you I nearly assembled the entire team as it is my duty to ensure Maria's well being," JARVIS says. "Her tears have been quite distressful for me."

"But he didn't," Natasha answers. "Let's just say…" She considers it and then her lips twitch a little until she gives into a small smirk. "Natasha's aunt senses were tingling. I should have checked in on you sooner."

*

Clint wakes up with a sudden snort, ready at the alert when he hears an intrusion. He instinctively thinks to protect Maria until he sees Tony backed away with raised hands.

"Relax, Legolas," Tony says. "It's just her dads." Clint sees that Bruce has scooped Maria, still asleep, into his arms and relaxes. "Why is she asleep out here?" Tony raises an eyebrow.

"Oh, uh," Clint rubs at his eyes and yawns, "separation anxiety."

Tony hums in a scrutinizing way.

"The feeling was certainly mutual," Bruce says as he looks adoringly at his and Tony's daughter. "We almost came home a few times." He then looks at Clint.

Clint stretches. "You guys worry too much. You can't be with her all the time."

"We realize that," Tony responds. "Which is why we decided to tough it out."

"Really?" Clint looks at them dubiously. "Was it really so tough? Or didn't you enjoy doing your grown up daddy things?" He raises an eyebrow.

"You mean where we get to enjoy a quiet meal and decent night's sleep for the first time in ages?" Bruce asks with a laugh.

"Or don't have to worry about being interrupted by a toddler with a nightmare or tummy ache?" Tony adds with a chuckle of his own.

Clint grimaces. "Yeah, that."

"It was actually a very nice night, minus the little hiccup with wanting to come back home," Bruce says, still holding Maria. "Thank you for watching her, Clint."

"Yes, thank you," Tony agrees as he grabs Maria's blanket, pillow, Hulk and Iron Man dolls into his arms – they had luckily found the Iron Man doll in the lab when she'd gone to say goodnight to the robots. "Thanks for helping us keep our love strong and healthy," he says with a smirk before he and Bruce move to take Maria to bed.

"You're welcome," Clint says tentatively. Something about that sounds familiar and he tries to think why.

"Oh, but just so we're clear," Tony adds, turning back toward him along with Bruce. "I _will_ invent something cruel and horrible to finish you off if you hop our daughter up on sugar like that again."

"You're very lucky," Bruce says with a nod. "Papa Bears do not like it when their cub is miserable. Less so when one of those Papa Bears has the Other Guy to contend with."

"And if you think Bruce and I are Papa Bears, the Big Guy is more like a fierce, green Mama Bear. You wouldn't even stand a chance." Clint gulps as realization begins to set in. "But, hey, it was entertaining up to that point so we'll focus on the positive this time," Tony finishes breezily.

"This time," Bruce repeats in warning. Then the two men smile at each other and turn to leave again.

"Shit," Clint mumbles as he tries to rationalize how they know and gets the very distinct feeling he's been played in some way or another. "You know what," he calls after them, "maybe next time you should ask Steve."

"Hmm," he hears Tony's smirk from where he sits. "That could be fun. What do you say, Bruce?"

"It's a date," Bruce answers, his voice trailing as they exit the room.

Yep, Clint has definitely been played. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean he's going to warn Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Prompt: _Bruce and Tony ask Clint (and maybe Thor) to watch their kid because they need a break. But Clint doesn’t know that their date night actually consists of watching Clint try and deal with a toddler for their own amusement._
> 
> I realize Maria is definitely a bit spoiled and difficult in this at times, and it is implied that Bruce and Tony have been struggling with this in spite of their spoiling her/loving her to pieces just the same, but she's supposed to be near the end of her terrible twos so all of this behavior can be pretty normal and I figured the more 'terrible' she is the harder time Clint might have. For those like me that looks at the actual realistic development side of things in kidfics she's closer to 3 than 2 so I acknowledge there's some uneven development here. She has some of the more advanced milestones happening - like language development because I wanted her to be more on the expressive side like Tony - and yet she still clearly has some milestones she's still working on - like separation anxiety (although part of that is because she started getting cranky and it was manifesting).


	4. Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, um, somebody prompted a Marvel/DC superverse thing with Science Boyfriends and SuperBat combined with Clark as Bruce and Tony's adopted son. It was mildly intriguing because I was trying to fathom how that could work. So I wrote this little interlude on my lunch break yesterday. ORIGINAL PROMPT and WAY MORE NOTES AT THE END.

"Dad..." Clark started with a tentative bite of his lip, but seemed to momentarily reconsider his words as he didn't continue.

Bruce Banner had to grin fondly sometimes at how even though his adopted son was now a grown man, and Superman at that, underneath it he was still the earnest 4 year-old who had captured his heart almost 21 years prior. Because Clark was earnest it also meant his emotions were fairly easy to read and Bruce knew whatever he was debating in his head it was something he felt strongly about, but was also uncertain about or else he would have spoken by now.

"Clark," Bruce said in a tone he hoped was reassuring to his son on the other end of the video call, "whatever it is, take your time. I'm not in any rush."

Clark looked at him. "It's... not a big deal," he attempted to backpedal.

"Uh oh. That's grounds for revoking your honesty badge," Bruce teased him with a small chuckle. Clark had never actually been a boy scout - any more than his surrogate Uncle Steve Rogers had been - but the media and people who didn't know him very well seemed to get the impression he had been based on his personality. Clark gave him a small scowl. "Look, I know this is a big deal whatever it is. You wouldn't have called me at this hour on a work night if it wasn't."

"Should I be hurt that you think that?" Clark asked him with a teasing smile. Bruce merely smiled thinly and raised his eyebrows, crossing his arms as he did. Clark finally sighed. "Okay, okay. It's about...that guy..."

Clark immediately had his full attention. "Yeah?" Clark had mentioned meeting someone about six months or so prior, someone that he worked with, and had said he was hopeful of seeing where it might lead. He had been quiet about the subject in all that time since so as far as Bruce could have guessed, it hadn't lead anywhere. Now he got the distinct feeling he was wrong. Clark gave a sheepish smile and he _knew_ he was wrong.

"Yeah," Clark said with a nod and seeing his face light up made Bruce light up too. "It's, um, getting pretty serious."

"It is?" That surprised Bruce a little. He wondered why Clark hadn't mentioned it even in passing. Why the secrecy?

"Mhmm," Clark hummed quickly and looked away. "I've all but, uh, moved in with him. I mean, I still have my place, but I'm not really there unless I have to be. The tram back and forth between Metropolis and Gotham is pretty quick. And I can just fly back if I have to. He drives me sometimes-"

"Wait. Hold up." Bruce stopped his son's ramble with a narrowed gaze. He removed his glasses and studied him. "You said he lives in Gotham?"

"Yes..." Clark seemed uncertain of his answer.

"And you're living with him there?"

"Well, not officially, but..." He shrugged.

"Clark, I don't want to sound like your dad, but-"

"You're my dad," Clark said at the same time Bruce said, "I'm your dad." He gave him a pointed look and Clark sighed.

"I know Gotham isn't exactly the height of moral character or particularly known for being the safest place," Clark started, scratching the back of his neck as if he realized he wasn't making a very strong argument yet. "But," he let his hand fall, "he's a wonderful man and if I couldn't already take care of myself, he'd protect me if need be." A small smile touched Clark's lips as if he were keeping a secret to himself. Bruce studied him all the more. "If it makes you feel better he lives on the outskirts of Gotham so it's not exactly like he has an apartment in the heart of the city like I do in Metropolis."

Bruce sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before nodding. "Alright. You're right. You can take care of yourself. And..." He looked at his son and reminded himself that the little boy he'd raised wasn't a little boy anymore. Superman or not, Clark was still an adult and he could make his own choices. "And I trust your judgment."

Clark perked up at that. "Great! Good, that's... So I called because I invited him to join us for Memorial Day weekend." He looked somewhere between eager and anxious.

"Is that what you were nervous about?" Bruce raised an eyebrow. He didn't understand why Clark would be so uncharacteristically jittery about that sort of thing. "You're afraid we wouldn't want to meet him?"

"Yes. Well, no. That is, I wasn't sure if you'd be in my corner or not. I mean... I thought or, uh, hoped  _you_  would be and now you said you trust me so I'll need your help convincing dad."

Bruce was more than a little startled by that revelation. "Clark, you know your father supports you just as much as I do. Who was it that wanted to buy Daily Planet before Wayne Enterprises could when you were concerned?"

Clark chuckles nervously. "About that..."

"We both just want to see you happy so if this guy makes you happy, then we'll both be happy to meet him."

"Dad, I don't think you're doing the math here," Clark said in a nervous tone. Bruce squinted in confusion. "He lives... in... _Gotham_ ," Clark reiterated very slowly, very meaningfully.

"Oh no," Bruce muttered and looked at his son with wide eyes. He didn't need the lasso of truth belonging to one of Clark's colleagues in order to read the answer in Clark's perfectly blue eyes. The answer was a very unfortunate, very guilty: _oh yes_. Maybe Clark was a little right to worry about the reaction he might get from his other father after all. 

Tony wasn't going to like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Prompt - _I know this is probably left field but I love DC/Marvel superverse fusions and I love the Tony vs. Bruce Wayne as well as BruceW/Clark stuff. I was stalking your fic recs on AO3 and saw you had some SuperBat stuff recc’d so I thought I’d take a chance and ask. I had this elaborate idea a while back where the Guardians or similar find Kal in his pod and bring him to SHIELD. Tony/Bruce adopt him (I guess they’d all have to be younger versions of the Avengers for it to work?). Fast forward to Clark bringing home Bruce Wayne who as it it turns out Tony has had run ins with business wise and who Tony thinks is a punk kid who is determined to bring down Stark Industries, make Wayne Industries number 1, and can’t be trusted (obiously he is jealous and threatened of the younger man). Clark knows his dad doesn’t like Bruce W. when he brings him to meet them. Tony of course has a fit while his Bruce tries to keep the peace. There’s awkwardness about how Clark fell for a guy like his dads - a guy named Bruce who’s also kind of like both of them combined. Tony trusts Bruce W. even less because now he thinks he’s going to hurt Clark intentionally. And it all spirals out of control when 1. Bruce W. proposes and 2. when the Batman thing comes out. I would love if this could be done by somebody. I know I could never do it and most people would think it’s weird. But your Mutants/Monsters fusion is so delightful that I think you’d be perfect for this. Please consider :3_
> 
> Notes cont. - I don't know if it'll ever be more than this. Maybe a few more snippets or oneshots here or there in the future if something comes to me. Tbh I've never written Clark before (and interpret him differently than 98% of the fandom I think ~~(bottom!Clark shippers rise up and unite!)~~ ). Meanwhile the extent of my Batman has been in the background of some BirdFlash and TimKon stuff I wrote way back in the day. So I'm not confident with him here or the proposed verse prompt in general, but what the heck. Here's to at least dipping toes into new things. 
> 
> Like the prompter suggested, I au'd it so that things (Avengers, becoming a couple, SHIELD, adopting Clark, etc.) happened when Bruce and Tony were like 32-34 range making them 53-55 range in this biologically (but I think if I were to continue it, I'd also imagine them like eternally youthful after a certain age or something - looking at you Mag-popping out kids like you're 30-neto).


	5. Congratulations! It's A... Vision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gotten several requests for Vision treating Tony and Bruce like his dads, similar to fanart and such, and a specific one from **ikilledabuginthewall** regarding his bringing Wanda to meet them. So, I decided to play with those ideas finally. The result is a crack-fluff-whatever piece (with bonus out of left field introspection).
> 
> This takes place in a post-Ultron AU where everybody isn't so damn serious and angsty acting like this was the first time they'd been up against an end of the world crisis they'd more or less made worse before making it better while also dealing with mind games and villainy; thus, instead of going off to prepare for Civil War or Sokovia Accords happening, things just went back to them doing the domestic and chill, save the world every month or two thing we all headcanoned after the first movie. And definitely no Bruce/Natasha, but that goes without saying 99.9% of the time I'm diverging from canon.

Tony was greeted by the distinct aroma of a hearty meal as soon as his suit folded all around him. It was almost amazing that he could smell it as far as his modified garage was from the kitchen in the old family home he now resided in – he'd never gotten around to rebuilding his Malibu mansion, but at the same time the tower didn't really feel like home. He supposed he could go chill at the newly finished Avengers facility, but that didn't seem right either. He needed _some_ distance from his teammates lest they all start picking petty fights and blowing them out of proportion (that seemed like just the sort of drama their screwed up lot was capable of when they were on edge). The only person he never seemed to want or need distance from was the man likely responsible for the mouthwatering smell of – he breathed in deeply as he trekked toward the kitchen – stew. Definitely a perfectly delicious, made from scratch just like your father or mother – or faithful butler – made it kind of stew.

“You know,” Tony said as he strolled in just in time to see Bruce bend forward to pull something from the oven. He paused long enough to appreciate the view. Then paused longer to appreciate the heavenly scent of freshly baked rolls added to the air. "You know," he started over as Bruce placed the rolls on the counter, "they say a way to a man's heart is through his stomach." He came up behind the physicist and placed his hands on his waist. "Are you trying to tell me something, Dr. Banner?" He hummed questioningly in his ear. "Have you gone and fallen hopelessly in love with me?"

Bruce hummed back and glanced over his shoulder. "Well, I don't know about _hopelessly,_ " he replied. He then turned around and gave Tony a quick kiss, just a tease of a love peck really.

This thing with Bruce was still new and fresh and thrilling, if not coming since day one he could now see in retrospect, so maybe Tony was being a little ridiculous, but little moments like this were what really made Tony hope that this was the one that would stick. He didn't just need Bruce selfishly, even if that was certainly true, he wanted him in a way he'd never wanted anyone else.

Tony stole another, slightly longer kiss. "I can fix that if you give me a chance," he teased back.

"I just might," Bruce replied with a thin smile. "So how's the new suit?" he then asked as he moved back over to the stew.

"Great. Could maybe use a few adjustments here and there. But I made it to Paris and back in record time. Take that Lindbergh," he crowed.

"You went to Paris without me?" Bruce asked in mock petulance.

"Yep and immediately realized my mistake," Tony answered with a short bark of laughter. "That city is vastly overrated if you're not with someone. I _was_ going to grab some crepes or pastries to bring back, but—"

"You realized how bad of an idea it would be to fly all the way back here with a box of pastries?" Bruce raised an incredulous eyebrow.

"Um, nope," Tony admitted. "Just left my wallet in my other suit."

Bruce gave him an amused look. "Because Iron Man couldn't just walk into any café and get free pastries."

Tony scoffed. "You really think I'd abuse my power that way?"

"Yes," Bruce said without blinking. "But it's good you didn't. There's already strawberries setting for shortcake."

Tony's eyebrows shot up. Now something was starting to seem a little weird. He'd only been gone for a few hours and suddenly Bruce was throwing out all the stops as if—

"Oh no. Please tell me we're not ruining our quiet Sunday evening with company," he said with a grimace.

Bruce frowned. "Just Vision and—"

" _Oh_ no. That's worse," Tony countered. Tony was attached to Vision sure, maybe a little too attached if he were being honest, but things had gotten a little strange over the past several months and the attachment was escalating to a disturbing degree on the android's part. He was clingy and came to Bruce and Tony over every little thing and then even when he didn't need to he would just come and hang out like he couldn't stay away. "You realize what's going on here, right?"

"Not this again, Tony," Bruce protested.

"No, I'm telling you, Bruce." Tony ignored his protest. "Vision thinks we're his parents. Trust me. I've seen this before with the bots. And once the creator/creation line has been blurred there's no going back." He narrowed his eyes a little. "And you. You're encouraging him." Tony gestured to the kitchen at large. "You don't even care that you're turning into the metaphorical mother in this dysfunctional hypothetical family."

"Wow, that's a mouthful," Bruce commented dryly. He then titled his head forward and shook it. "Tony, we've been through this. It is _all_ in your _mind._ " He then studied him. "I'm beginning to think you're the one who blurs the creator/creation line." He chortled softly. "And, hey, I get it. It's fine. There's still a good deal of JARVIS in Vision and you were so close with JARVIS for so long the familial bond only makes sense. And if Vision is a little attached, I guess, in a sense we did find a way to give him life. He's grateful. Although Thor had just as much a hand in that so if anyone is the metaphorical father in this situation…" Tony scowled. "I'm kidding. He was just the lightning to our Frankenstein," he joked with a shrug and went back to finishing the meal preparation.

Tony stared at him dumbly for a few moments. Sure, he had a tendency to make mountains out of molehills, jump to conclusions, screw things up like a refined art, but he knew this was not in his mind.

"It's in my mind?" Tony asked disbelievingly. "It's in _my_ mind?" Bruce didn't bother answering him. "You're the one making a big meal. He doesn't even eat!" Then he furrowed his brow when he recalled something. "Wait, you said 'and.' And who? Who else do we have to put up with?"

Bruce sighed. "I don't know. He just said he was bringing someone else from the team along. I didn't press for details." He turned and looked at Tony. "Because contrary to your conspiracy theory, I'm not trying to be some mother hen who has to know everything."

"I'm telling you, Bruce," Tony insisted.

"Sirs, Vision and Wanda have arrived for dinner," FRIDAY announced.

They both shared a wide eyed glance at the unexpected teammate that had tagged along. "Great," Tony said with a sigh. "As if it wasn't awkward enough he brought along the one Avenger we're both still antsy around."

"Behave," Bruce said with a point of a finger and then handed him the plate of rolls to take to the dining room. "She's a good kid and she's proven that plenty of times since Sokovia. Eventually we're going to have to get over what happened. This could be a good start."

"Fine, fine," Tony groused. "But next Sunday we're going to Paris, just you and me. FRIDAY, book us the most extravagant place possible for Paris next weekend and then book us at all the finest restaurants."

Bruce smiled and shook his head. "Paris with Tony Stark. When did this become my life?"

"Tesseract, huge portal, weird space creature things. Any of that ring a bell?" Tony teased as Bruce shooed him out of the kitchen.

~

"So then Nathaniel vomited all over Wanda and she was so startled that she began levitating him without meaning to. Then Clint nearly had a panic attack while the older children laughed. It _was_ very funny."

Tony blinked. It _was_ funny, in theory, but Vision had said it all in his usual even tone so some of the effect was lost. Also, it was all still really awkward. Him sitting there telling random stories about visiting with Barton's family while they ate, that is. Also, it was clear Wanda felt just as antsy being around him and Bruce.

"Um," Bruce gave a nervous, pity laugh, "that's… You're right. That sounds funny. Sorry we missed it."

Tony stopped mid-bite and turned a raised eyebrow in Bruce's direction. Bruce looked back at him with a sheepish expression and ducked his head to look at his mostly empty dinner bowl.

"I'm not good with children," Wanda said with an earnest shrug. "I doubt it'll matter anyway. I likely will not have any."

There was a long silence that followed. Then Vision looked down with surprisingly sad eyes for an android. "I have made things awkward again. I can tell by the extended silence. My story was not funny and Wanda is uncomfortable. I didn't mean to imply she would not be good as a mother."

Bruce choked on a bite of food. Tony probably would have too if he'd had any food in his mouth. Vision wasn't wrong about making things awkward. 

"Uh… Vision," he said, standing with his bowl. "Would you like to, um, help me with getting dessert?"

Vision looked at Wanda and then at Tony and then at Bruce. "Yes, I would like to help with getting dessert."

Tony watched them go, squinting his eyes slightly. "There is no way this is all in my head," he then mumbled.

"It isn't," Wanda replied as she tore a piece of her roll and dipped it in the stew gravy. She brought the bread to her lips, but then stopped when she seemed to realize Tony was looking at her intently. "Sorry," she mumbled before eating the bite of food. When she swallowed she said, "I try not to use any of my mind powers anymore, but your emotions are very loud." She looked at him with a tilt of her head. "They always have been. I knew you were in love with Dr. Banner before you did."

"Yeah, I guess they are," Tony admitted, shifting his eyes away. There was an awkward silence that seemed to stretch on for days.

"I used to think only a heartless man could allow what happened to my family." Tony flinched. That was the worst possible way to break the silence. "But now I know it wasn't because you were heartless. You were just running from the pain that having _your_ heart entails." Tony's eyes widened slightly and he looked back at her. "You turned a blind eye because it was easier than carrying a bleeding heart."

"You got _all that_ from me? You really _did_ do a number on my head, didn't you?"

"No," Wanda said. "I didn't have to do much to _your_ head. Your fear was close to the surface and it was loud enough for me to feel it and predict what you would do because of it."

Tony looked away again, wishing Bruce would hurry back. They didn't talk about what had happened for a reason. It was uncomfortable and easier to ignore.

"I just didn't want to lose them," he said with a sigh. "I've… I've never felt these things about people."

"That's not true," Wanda challenged and he slowly looked at her once more. "You were always capable of feeling those things about people, you just didn't allow yourself to. When you did stop fighting you didn't understand how to control it." She looked down at her bowl with a frown. "I can sort of relate. I didn't know how to control my desire for justice and let it become revenge when I finally got a taste of power."

"I guess I could say you're wrong, but you'd know I'm lying." Tony shrugged.

"My emotions are loud too," Wanda said after a moment. "Vision has told me several times," she added with a small laugh, something rarely heard from her. "He says I am a lot like you and that is why it was easy for me to be drawn in by Ultron."

"He's quite the conversationalist," Tony said with a snort.

To his surprise Wanda smiled. "Yes, he is." Tony blinked. "I like that he is straightforward." She shrugged. "He doesn't have the restraints of humanity and can see us for what we are. But it doesn't stop him from being earnest, caring in his own way. This may surprise you," Wanda said, "but I think he learned that from you."

"How does that mesh with what Ultron learned from me?" Tony asked, raising one eyebrow and leaning back a little in his chair.

"You see two futures. The one you can't prevent and the one you desperately want to create. Ultron got all of your fear, but Vision got all of your hope."

Tony opened his mouth to respond, but he heard Bruce chattering to Vision, indicating they were nearing. He also didn't know quite what to say.

"I think the real future usually holds a little bit of both for most people," Wanda said. "The thing I feared most was losing my brother, but he's gone and I'm still here which means I still have a chance for other things I hoped for."

She broke off from their sober conversation then and looked up with a smile.Tony followed her gaze to see the smile was directed at the Vision. She didn't have to continue for him to grasp what she was attempting to express. Losing Pietro, she could have become that dark version of herself again, but instead she was working to create a better future where fear and anger didn't control her actions anymore. Not only did it resonate for Tony, as he considered it, Tony was struck by how that was a choice Bruce had to make every single day and in spite of the weight of that choice, he was trying to create a good life again with him of all people.

"Tony," Bruce interrupted his thoughts. "Tony, can we… can we talk real quick?"

Bruce seemed slightly frazzled and Tony shot to his feet as fast as can be to follow the physicist out of the dining room. They returned to the kitchen and once they were alone Bruce looked at him with a strange expression.

"Not just in your head," Bruce said firmly. Tony's eyebrows moved upward. "He… He brought Wanda here because…" Bruce shook his head and looked down. "I don't even know how to say it. He brought her here to—"

"Meet the parents," Tony said in sudden understanding and his head fell back a little on his shoulders. "That's why she was singing Vision's praises in there."

"That's why they went to Clint's house. Because he's taken Wanda under his wing."

"Of _course_."

"You were right," Bruce said after a moment. "You were right about everything. He might as well have called me dad. I think he really wanted to."

"He did?" Hearing it was strange even if he'd suspected it.

"He was a nervous wreck, which is weird since he's an android," Bruce paused to shake his head, "and he seemed worried we wouldn't approve because of what Wanda's done. Or maybe he thinks we wouldn't approve of his relationship with a human."

"Wow... this..." He didn't know what to say. Bruce just looked at him with wide, uncertain eyes. "Wait, so just how long has this been a thing?" Tony pondered suddenly.

"Clearly he's been keeping it a secret." Bruce crossed his arms.

"Okay, but why the hell didn't the team tell us?"

"Oh, I'm definitely going to ask Clint if he knew about it before their visit."

"And he barely knows about the world," Tony protested.

"I know," Bruce agreed in a concerned tone.

"What the hell could he possibly know about relationships and love? He's not even a year old yet."

"I _know_." Bruce nodded.

"So, we're not okay with this right?" Tony wanted to make sure they were on the same page.

"Oh, we're definitely not okay with this." Bruce shook his head. After a small pause, he let his arms fall and gave a somewhat sheepish expression. "But, Tony, I'm.... uh... It turns out I'm okay with the other thing."

"What other thing?" Tony studied him.

"I'm okay with, um, with Vision thinking... thinking we're his parents." Oh. Right. That other thing. "And maybe you were right. I think I _have_ been encouraging him. I... just didn't realize it."

Tony gave a considering sigh. It struck him that he'd just been acting like Vision's father rather than creator on instinct. Maybe Bruce had been right too, about him blurring the creator/creation line. At the least maybe he'd wanted it to blur.

"Well, I haven't exactly _discouraged_ him," Tony admitted. "Grumbled maybe. But... it turns out I'm okay with it too. Hell, he practically _needs_ us."

"He does," Bruce replied earnestly.

There was another pause. In spite of their light way of discussing this unexpected shift, they were still discussing being surrogate fathers to an android they'd helped bring to life began to settle and that was still a little odd. Tony certainly never expected to go from creating a shield around the world to having a sort-of kid.

"We can both agree this is still dysfunctional, right?"

Bruce smiled thinly. "Yeah, but seeing as it's us I'm not sure it would feel right if it _wasn't_ a little dysfunctional."

"Yeah," Tony laughed and felt any residual tension regarding the subject ease away, "I guess that's true. But now I'm thinking this is all so unusual you might just want to go ahead and prepare for Paris now. I'll probably propose at this rate."

Bruce gave him a wry expression. "And how do you know I won't be the one who proposes, hmm?" Tony raised his brow. "I mean, it's not the 1940s anymore. Hypothetical mothers propose to hypothetical fathers all the time nowadays," he teased. That subtle wit that drove Tony a little crazy.

He smiled broadly and closed the space between them. "In that case, I'm definitely looking forward to it."

Bruce hummed. "Noted," he bantered back with a small smile that Tony wasted no more time in capturing with his lips.

"Did you sneak some of the strawberries?" Tony asked in amusement as he pulled away for just a brief second. "Because you taste like strawberries." He gave an appreciative _mmm_ before kissing him more thoroughly.

"I am sorry to interrupt." They broke apart from their delicious kiss to see Vision standing near the door and looking a little uncertain. "Wanda sent me to say your emotions are quite loud and… distracting. They…"He glanced away. "She said she was picking up a few stray thoughts of a bedroom nature."

"Sorry," Bruce said at the same time Tony said, "That was me." He looked quickly at Bruce with a wicked, pleased grin and Bruce cleared his throat in a flustered sort of way.

"Wait," Tony then looked back at Vision, "what do _you_ know of thoughts of a bedroom nature?" He glanced at Bruce whose eyes were wide, expecting an answer.

"I…" Vision looked momentarily stunned by the question. He tilted his head slightly as if calculating. "I know many things. I am after all possess superintelligence."

"So you can relax," Wanda said, joining them. "I'm not the one corrupting your son." Vision looked almost nervous at the address.

Tony narrowed his eyes. "That has yet to be determined," he said with a point of his finger at her. "That little heart to heart in the dining room doesn't change that." She rolled her eyes.

"You should have told us you were dating," Bruce said to Vision.

Vision gave them a confused glance. "I didn't know you would want to know. I… brought Wanda here in hopes I could assess your approval without making my intentions known."

"Of course we want to know," Bruce interjected. "Our son is dating someone."

"And he's still infantile," Tony added for good measure.

"You… You called me your son." Vision looked back and forth between them.

"Is that okay with you?" Bruce asked.

Vision smiled slowly. "I am… pleased. I believe I should tell you I've felt like you were the equivalent of my parents. It has been a reassuring thought in the middle of a strange world." He then frowned. "But I am not infantile. I may be young, but I possess more knowledge than—"

"Knowledge, yes," Tony interrupted. "Understanding of how to apply that knowledge to life, not so much. That's maybe our fault," Tony said, gesturing between himself and Bruce. "But we're going to fix that starting now. Starting with," he looked at Wanda, "her. You're too young to date."

"But…" Vision seemed stunned again. "But if I feel… things… when I am around her, does that not mean I care for her?"

"Do you even know what you mean by 'things'?" Tony challenged.

"I… I am still working out the complexity of human feelings, but—"

"Then you're still too young," Bruce agreed.

"But it is wrong to separate a couple," Vision tried a different tactic.

"Great," Tony said with a sigh. "I guess we leaped over the formative years—"

"And went straight to teenage rebellion," Bruce finished with a sigh that turned into a soft snort.

"I told you they would be difficult," Wanda crossed her arms and muttered to Vision.

" _You_ stay out of this," Tony said.

"She is right. You are being difficult," Vision replied evenly, but somehow Tony could tell it was because he was getting defensive on Wanda's behalf. "I wish to understand why."

There was a pregnant pause. Tony looked at Bruce to gauge his reaction. Bruce let out a resigned sigh and then shrugged.

"Fine," Tony said, looking back at the other two. "You can continue dating her." Vision smiled broadly. "But… we'll be keeping an eye on things. Your dad and I expect you two to take it slow, got it?"

"What does he mean by the phrase 'take it slow'?" Vision asked Wanda.

Wanda's eyes widened and she tilted her head towards Tony and Bruce with an evil sort of grin. "Oh no. I'll let your fathers handle that one. Since I'm supposed to stay out of this."

Tony narrowed his eyes at her. "Sorry," Bruce apologized. "It's not you necessarily. It's... just going to take some getting used to the idea. Among other things."

Wanda snorted. "Clint thinks it's a phase. Told me there are laws against this sort of thing."

"There sort of are," Bruce said in a considering tone. "Laws of nature at least."

"This is dysfunctional," Tony reiterated.

Bruce chuckled and then turned to look at him with a wider than usual smile. "Yeah, but it's also kind of nice. If you don't think about it too hard," he added with a hitch of a shoulder.

Tony sighed loudly and then chuckled. He put an arm around Bruce and then looked at Vision, and even 'the girlfriend', with a nod. "Yeah, this is nice."


	6. Fury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my entry for the sciencebrosweek prompt: Fury (even if I'm not adding it to the collection rather as a chapter to this work). 
> 
> Tbh this is the prompt I had the hardest time with. All the others I got really immediate plot ideas - random and like idk what my brain is smoking plot ideas, but still. For this all I kept getting was, "Fury needs you to come in" in Natasha's voice. So I discussed the prompt with friend, Elle and she kept throwing out random words and idk how that process is supposed to really accomplish anything, but this is the result.

Natasha wasn't here because she wanted to be. She really, really didn't want to be. But her partner had been compromised. No, her _best friend_ had been compromised. He had a family she needed to get him back to.

She saw the headlights come up the long, narrow drive. She heard soft chatter grow louder and combine with laughter. She wasn't here because she wanted to be.

"For a couple of dead guys, you sure picked a hell of a place to live."

The two men, Tony Stark and Bruce Banner – although those weren't their names these days, glanced at one another and then at her. It was clear by their faces they wanted to know why there was a redhead sat in their living room as if she owned the place. It was also clear they were probably about thirty seconds away from not caring one way or another when they put protective arms around their six-year-old twin son and daughter.

She looked around. "Quaint cottage in the middle of nowhere never seemed like your sort of thing, Stark."

"Who are you?" Tony looked at her sharply. "And how did you get into our home?" He didn't ask her how she knew who he was, which was good, but he was still defensive enough that it would be a giveaway to anyone of her line of work or intelligence.

"I'm Natasha Romanoff. I'm here on behalf of SHIELD," she answered.

"Tony," Bruce gasped his partner's name. "They found us," he said, giving away their secret outright where Tony hadn't.

"We never lost you, Doctor," Natasha said with a shrug as she stood to her feet. "We've even made sure your little…" She looked around the room again and then at Jean-Paul and Jeanne-Marie. "…home was kept safe from anyone who might get a little suspicious." The children looked up at their fathers and then back at her in confusion. They then linked hands in solidarity.

"Are you threatening us, Ms. Romanoff?" Bruce glared at her fiercely, his face darkening from the docile and ordinary thing it had been before. She told herself there was no reason for her heart to stutter with worry.

"Because that won't end well for you," Tony added to his partner's sentiment.

"Papa?" Jean-Paul looked up at Tony in concern. Jeanne-Marie followed suit looking up at Bruce.

"Papas, is she going to hurt us?" Jeanne-Marie asked them both and then looked at Natasha with hard suspicion.

"No, I promise," Bruce said, face softening drastically as he focused his attention on the twins. Tony, on the other hand, took a menacing step toward her. Better him than Bruce, she decided easily.

"You have ten seconds to tell me what you're doing here, Romanoff. You said you're with SHIELD. What does Fury want? Does he want Bruce? Because I will burn that place to the ground before that happens."

"He wants both of you to come in," she answered. She saw Bruce look at her past Tony's shoulder and then look at Tony in concern.

"Come in?" Tony echoed dubiously. "Come in where? And do what exactly?"

"Save the world," she said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, don't tell me this is still about his secret boy band thing?" Tony looked at her with narrowed eyes.

"His what?" Bruce asked and Tony turned to look at him.

"Something called the Avengers Initiative. Director Fury wanted to collect some superheroes or whatever. You were on his list. That's how I knew you weren't the mindless beast Ross said you were when you came to me."

"We can walk down memory lane later," Natasha interrupted and Tony looked back at her with a frown. "And, yes, I'm talking about the Avengers Initiative. We're facing a potential global crisis and Director Fury thinks the world is going to need heroes before it's all said and done." She sat back down again. "That's why I'm here."

"You came a long way for no reason," Tony said, folding his arms. "There aren't any heroes here."

"There's one," she countered coolly. She then tilted her head. "You can cover that little light in your chest when you go out in public, Stark, but it's still there. It's still part of you. I know you still have suits. You need to put one on."

"Okay, I don't think you're hearing me," Tony said sharply, letting his hands fall. "Iron Man is dead. I'm not about to go out there and tell the world that he isn't just because you can't find another hero. Where's Rho…" He faltered. "Where's War Machine? And I'm _sure as hell_ not going to let the army find out Hulk is still at large after all that we've done to make Ross think he isn't." Bruce came up beside Tony and placed a hand on his shoulder, the twins coming to stand on either side of their fathers.

"First of all, Fury isn't after the monster," Natasha said firmly. He wasn't at least as far as Fury had told her so it wasn't a lie. Bruce looked at her sharply, face darkening again. "As far as he's told me you're needed to help us track down a device that emits a gamma signature our people can't trace. Not a lot of people we can call when it comes to gamma radiation, Doctor."

"For good reason," he mumbled bitterly.

"And let me be very clear. Fury could snap his fingers and all of this could be taken away from you. He doesn't want to do that. I certainly don't want him to do that." She shook her head and ignored Banner's threatening gaze. Not that Tony's gaze was any less disheartening in other ways. "So, you need to come in, hope for the best we can prevent a catastrophe and then you disappear again. It's as simple as that."

"Simple." Tony snorted. He shook his head and looked long and hard at Bruce for a moment. Then he looked back slowly. "And our kids? What? We just leave them here? Entrust them to SHIELD's care while we place nice?" He shook his head. "Not on your life, Agent Romanoff."

"Or mine," Bruce agreed.

Natasha faltered. She looked at the twins in question. She was one of the select few agents who knew the full story, knew just how many secrets Stark and Banner were guarding closely inside their house of cards. She couldn't put those kids in danger any more than she could put Clint's kids in danger. Or any kid.

"No, you shouldn't leave them here," she said evenly. "Where we're going will be safe. Bring them."

"Bring them?" Both men questioned in sync.

"No, no, no," Bruce said then very suddenly and stepped forward, looking between Tony and their kids and Natasha. "Take me, Agent Romanoff. You need a gamma expert, fine. I'll go. You don't need Iron Man. I'm sure you have someone just as capable if it comes to it. Or if it comes to it you can call him in then. Just… I'll go and Tony can stay here with the kids and…" He looked back at the three of them again. "Be safe."

"Papa, you can't go!" The twins began to protest simultaneously. Tony was clearly ready to protest too as he took a step forward and reached for Bruce's wrist. "No, Papa!"

"Bruce, you can't do that," Tony said, shaking his head. "I'm not going to let SHIELD get its hands on you where I can't see you. I know you can handle yourself, but I also know two heads are better than one."

Bruce looked torn and Natasha was beginning to feel the same, but if they didn't have a gamma expert they might not find Clint. They had to find Clint. She could deal with the red this added to her ledger later should it come to that.

"Look, this is touching," she said with practiced coldness. "But here or there if we can't stop the guy we're after then it won't matter." They both turned their attention to her with equally startled expressions. She grabbed the dossier beside her and held it out to Tony. "At least look at it. It's all in there, including information about the other members selected for the Initiative. No secrets."

Tony looked at it and then looked at Bruce with a raised brow. The physicist sighed and took the dossier. He thumbed it with a considering look. Finally, he handed it to Tony, which she found a bit strange, and then grabbed his twins' hands.

" _Venez mes petits poussins_ ," Bruce said, leading them out of the room. Tony watched them as they went. " _Nous devons faire nos bagages_."

"Are we going with you, papa?" Jeanne-Marie asked in a startled tone, voice trailing. "Are we _all_ going?"

"If anything happens to them, _any_ of them," Tony said once they were alone, "I will personally see to it that your organization is reminded of why they once called me the Merchant of Death."

Natasha's eyes went wide and her skin cold in a way she hadn't expected it to. Maybe the Hulk wasn't the monster she should be wary of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why Jean-Paul and Jeanne-Marie? When I was like "Okay I'm going to do this as a quick kidfic au where Natasha shows up to recruit Tony and Bruce both post-fake death" I said, "But I want to use a canon Marvel character or two I haven't used before" and Elle said they should be mutants. And next thing you know I'm saying screw it to Jean-Paul and Jeanne-Marie being separated after their parents' death and making them Bruce and Tony's adopted children. 
> 
> This is just a ficlet in the middle of a bigger verse idea - that I don't have time to write - but basically after brainstorming with Elle it was decided the basic is Bruce came to Tony asking him to kill him or cure him (inspired by Hulk Is Where The Heart Is and Hulk episode Helping Hand, Iron Fist) and then they fell in love and Tony came up with the elaborate scheme to fake their deaths (inspired by his faked death in the comics) - Elle has asked me for like at least three different fics where they fake their deaths to be together I'm just... happyish now? - and thus they wind up in British Columbia (and probably only Pepper knows, except apparently SHIELD does too). They adopt a couple kids and cue Avengers reworked with Tony and Bruce already a couple with mutant children involved. It was also decided between us that Jean-Paul should have a cute little six year old crush on Steve because it's Steve and because it would drive Tony crazy (who's already like WTF Captain America came back to life while I was fake dead?) which Bruce would definitely use to his advantage as a low-key troll.
> 
> EDITED 5/29/17 with better French translations thanks to [Melanie_L](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Melanie_L/pseuds/Melanie_L). Thank you!


	7. Costume Chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been (lightly) edited and reposted as part of its own series [here](http://archiveofourown.org/series/604750). I'm leaving this chapter here as is for posterity/comments.
> 
> This is fluff without plot. Literally, just a slice of life in a non-powered au where Tony and Bruce are the parents of kids: Natasha, Steve, Clint and Jake!Thor. Bonus kid!Sam as Steve's friend.

The family outing at the Halloween costume shop was further proof to Tony and Bruce that their four children were eclectic and indecisive. They'd been there for an hour and didn't seem any closer to their goal of each kid settling on a costume.

"But why?"

Currently their oldest was arguing with Bruce as to why they didn't find it appropriate for an almost thirteen-year-old to wear a catsuit that looked more dominatrix than the superhero it was intended to be... Black Widow? Yeah, even the name seemed inappropriate, Tony mused, even if he knew the character was more complex than that.

"Natasha," Bruce's voice was starting to find an edge, "I've told you three times. The next time it's going to be, because your father and I said so."

Natasha crossed her arms in a bout of pre-teenage angst. "This is so unfair. Black Widow is a strong, female character. Ask Aunt Pepper. She'll tell you it's good for me to be this character."

"Check the 'tude, please," Tony interjected. "It's not Aunt Pepper's decision."

At just that moment four-year-old Jake ran by her with two costumes in hand and Natasha's eyes widened as if scandalized. Jake held out the costumes for both Tony and Bruce to survey.

"Those are two very different choices you've got there, buddy," Tony said with a small chuckle as he looked between the generic princess costume and the Thor costume. "But you can only be one character. Who would you rather be?"

His face fell, disappointment in every feature. "Um..."

"Hey," Natasha protested. "You're not going to tell him he can't be a princess? How come _he_ gets to express his individuality and interests?"

"Mayday, mayday," Tony leaned over and mumbled in Bruce's ear, "we're losing the argument." Bruce winced and nodded.

"Look, Jake's costume choices have nothing to do with unnecessary oversexualization of children's costumes," Bruce tried anyhow.

"Uh, that's exactly what princesses are! Everybody knows that they're not healthy." She pointed. "And his Thor costume reinforces, like, super gross ideas about boys having to be tough warriors."

Tony blinked. Yep. Pepper and Jennifer were definitely taking their roles as steady female influences in their kids' lives very seriously and filling in the gaps for them. He glanced at Bruce who sighed and then looked at him. They'd been by each others' side long enough for him to get the gist of what Bruce was thinking.

"Okay, Natasha," Tony interpreted those thoughts, "if you really think we're trying to stifle your individuality or, uh-"

"Repress your feminism," Bruce supplied.

"Then that won't do," Tony continued. "So go and try on the costume and we'll reserve judgment 'til we see it, okay?" Natasha didn't even waste a second. Tony sighed and looked at Bruce after she was gone. "I'm not ready for 13."

"Do you think the brick on the head trick works?" Bruce mused. He then looked down at their youngest son, still pouting as he tried to pick between the two costumes. "Have you picked a winner yet, Jake?"

The boy shook his head and looked up at them with wide, crystal blue eyes and his long blonde hair falling away from his face. "I want to be both."

"I don't think they make a Princess Thor costume, kiddo," Tony broke the news to him.

"Why not?" Jake's face darkened and the pout turned to a thunderous scowl. "Princesses can be warriors too!"

"Maybe they have a female Valkyrie costume?" Tony shrugged.

"In kid size?" Bruce raised an eyebrow. "Not likely. And they probably won't have a Lady Sif costume either."

"Oh!" Jake's eyes widened at the prospect. "That would be cool!"

"I guess we'll go ask," Bruce relented. "Let's go," he told Jake.

"Hey, dad?" Jake tugged on Tony's arm.

"Hey what?"

"Can you hold my costumes?"

"You bet I can," Tony replied. He looked over both costumes after they were gone. On a whim he put the Thor costume over the princess one and positioned it so it looked liked Thor wearing a skirt. "Huh. That might be an option."

He was broken from that thought by the sound of his oldest son shouting, "YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" His eyes widened and he quickly moved to find out what was happening.

He found Steve on the next aisle over, bristling and glaring at some kid Tony recognized from his school – a bully Steve had gotten into a few tiffs with before. Steve's hands were already balled up at his sides so he knew he needed to intervene. The ten-year-old was never one to back down from a fight with a bully. He'd taken the whole 'stand up to the bully and they won't mess with you' advice he'd been given – by Tony, as Bruce liked to point out whenever this happened – maybe too much to heart.

"What's going on here?" Tony asked calmly.

"Me and Sam were just looking at the costumes and he started saying it was gay to want to be Captain America," Steve supplied, voice still vehement. Beside him, holding said Captain America costume, Sam – Steve's friend from school who'd tagged along – nodded several times over. "I told him being gay isn't a bad thing. And maybe I am gay so what's it to him if I like Captain America."

"And then he said I'd better watch out," Sam chimed in, "because gays can’t be trusted."

"So I told him to take it back."

The irresponsible part of Tony wanted to let his son make the bully take it back. But that would just cause a scene and he had sense enough to know it would just feed into what the bigoted little boy had been taught.

"That's an interesting philosophy you've got there about gay people, kid," he addressed the antagonist coolly. "But it's up to Sam who he trusts. And it's really none of your business if Steve is Captain America for Halloween or not. And it's none of Steve's business who you decide to be for Halloween. So let's just live and let live." He then looked at his son and his son's friend, deciding the best course of action would be a retreat in this case. "Grab a costume or two to try on so we can wrap up this little excursion before it's dinner time."

Steve backed down and grabbed a costume obediently, Sam following suit since he'd brought money for a costume too. Tony then led them toward the fitting rooms.

"Don't listen to him, Steve," Sam said as they trailed behind Tony. "I don't believe that for a second. I trust you one hundred percent." Then he fumbled, "Uh, you know... Even if you are. I mean, maybe I am too."

Tony's eyebrows moved upward and he glanced over his shoulder to see the two boys looking away from each other in a sheepish manner. He smiled at their innocence and mused that he wouldn't be surprised if one of these days the two boys decided they might just like-like each other – if neither of them had decided it already.

"So, Steve, you finally settled on Cap?" Tony asked his son. Earlier in the excursion it had been one of the many costumes his son had been considering.

"Yeah, after I saw the others looking at hero costumes too. I thought maybe-"

"Wait," Tony interrupted, "not to interrupt, but where is your brother?" Tony glanced around as they reached the line for the fitting rooms. Steve shrugged and gave a tone that suggested he didn't know. "Well, that's reassuring."

"What's reassuring?" Bruce joined them, Jake holding his hand and looking down despondently.

"Steve doesn't know where Clint is," Tony answered hesitantly.

"What?" Bruce's eyes widened and he turned quickly, head moving left and right as he scanned the store. "Oh god."

Tony narrowed his eyes and then they widened when he saw what Bruce saw. "Be right back," Tony said, handing over the Thor and princess costumes to Bruce and Jake before moving swiftly toward the second youngest Banner-Stark kid. Said kid was on a safety ladder he'd managed to climb to the top without reprimand. Tony stood at the bottom and looked up at his son. "Clint, what do you think you're doing?"

"Looking for a costume," the six-year-old answered in a tone that suggested he wasn't even the slightest bit worried that one of his dads had caught him.

"Really now?" Tony raised an eyebrow and then glanced around to see if they were drawing attention. "You're looking for a costume at the top of a ladder you're not supposed to be climbing on?"

"Yep."

Tony counted to five in his head before saying in a firm, clipped manner, "Get down here now, please." He snapped his fingers and pointed from him to the floor. "And, no, that doesn't mean jump. Use the steps."

Clint rolled his eyes, but started to descend the ladder. When he reached the second to last one he jumped and Tony was pretty sure he had a mini heart attack, even if Clint jumped from greater heights than that on a regular basis, as he watched him in free fall. He flinched and then moved to grab his hand when he reached the ground.

"Not cool," Tony chastised and led him back to the others. A glance at Bruce told him he'd seen and wasn't pleased either. "I told you no jumping."

"It was just a small jump," Clint defended himself.

"A small jump is not the same as no jump. And you already know not to climb on the safety ladders." Tony didn't like punishing any of his kids nor did his husband, each due to their own childhoods, but he knew he and Bruce would have to come up with some reasonable way of addressing the issue.

"But I could see the costumes better from up there."

"Well, then maybe we should get your eyes checked," Tony suggested, trying to keep his frustration in check. He knew he'd never listened at Clint's age when his dad got loud with him. "Could be you're farsighted like your dad," he said with a shrug as they reached the others. Tony's attention immediately went to Natasha who was in her Black Widow costume facing Bruce's scrutiny. "Maybe the next size up wouldn't be so skin tight?"

"Oh come on," Natasha crossed her arms, "it's not even."

Bruce looked at him and Tony saw the way he was starting to budge. Tony looked over the costume again. It wasn't as bad as the model on the package and maybe his dad goggles were exaggerating the tightness. And if it was empowering…

"Concede?" Tony asked Bruce.

"Concede," Bruce agreed.

"Thank you!" Natasha hugged Bruce first and then Tony before going back into the changing room.

"One crisis down," Tony mumbled and Bruce snorted. "Any luck with the Lady Sif thing?" It was obvious by the way Jake was pouting again as he looked back and forth between the original two costumes a few feet away that the answer to that question was a very big no. Bruce sighed and shook his head. "Okay, well, I was thinking… Maybe we can combine them somehow?" He hitched a shoulder.

Bruce furrowed his brow and glanced at their youngest. His eyes widened and he looked back. "Oh, like Thor with a skirt?" Jake heard them and hurried over, looking up at them hopefully. Tony smiled and so did Bruce. "How's that sound? Do you want us to take the top half of the Thor costume and add a princess skirt?"

"Yeah!" He nodded eagerly. "Then I can be Princess Thor."

"You sure can, champ," Tony agreed.

"We'll discuss the ladder thing later," Bruce warned, turning his attention to Clint, "but have you picked out a costume yet?"

"I saw a cool Green Arrow one," he answered.

"From on your perch?" Tony asked with a laugh, but cleared his throat when Bruce gave him a look that told him not to encourage him. "Green Arrow, huh? Pretty sure the rest of the family is being the Avengers the way it's going."

"DC is better. Hawkeye would be cooler at DC."

"No he wouldn't," Steve protested, overhearing as he emerged from a fitting room in his costume.

"Looking good there, Captain," Tony interjected and his son puffed out his chest. Sam followed out shortly. "Oh, and Falcon too."

Steve turned and looked at his friend. "I thought you were going to be Captain America too."

Sam shrugged. "I figure you'd make such an awesome Cap so I'll be your sidekick."

"But you'd make a great Cap too," Steve insisted.

Tony glanced at Bruce who glanced back with a small smile playing at the edge of his lips and a knowing gleam in his eyes. They both had similar notions about the boys' tight friendship. And they usually laughed about it between them that they'd apparently finally reached peak parent behavior if they were speculating over their ten-year-old's potential future love life.

Natasha came back out and looked at her younger siblings. "Wait, is everybody just copying me?"

"No!" Steve exclaimed, even if Tony knew that wasn't the whole truth by Steve's own earlier admittance. "I just want to be Captain America. Not everything's about _you,_ Natasha."

"Mayday mayday," Tony said with a sigh as he moved to stand beside his husband. Bruce seemed equally worn out by the excursion.

" _I'm_ not copying!" Clint chimed in. "I'm gonna be Green Arrow."

"And you're going to ruin the line up," Steve argued.

Clint argued back, "It's not like we have a Hulk or Iron Man either. And there's no Princess Thor."

"So?!" Jake exclaimed his protest. "There should be!"

"Alright, all of you," Bruce intervened. "We need to get Sam home soon so you two change," he instructed Sam and Steve. "And, Clint, whoever you're planning on being, go grab the costume. And come straight back," he added in warning. "Natasha, your brothers can be whatever they want to be. I know you hate that it feels like they're copying you, but it's Halloween. Lots of people are going to be the same character. You wouldn't want a friend to tell you you're copying them."

"Dad mode activated," Tony teased in his husband's ear.

Bruce chuckled. "I didn't realize it was ever deactivated during daylight hours," he whispered back.

"Barring school days," Tony added with his own chuckle. Then winced as he considered sick days and other emergencies or school activities. "Most of the time."

"Ew, are you guys flirting?" Natasha gave them a semi-disgusted look. "Seriously? We're in public."

"Bantering," Tony clarified. "Slight difference."

When Steve and Sam emerged, they went to find Clint who hadn't returned yet. Only instead of with a Green Arrow costume they found him with a Hawkeye one.

"I thought you said you weren't copying," Natasha said immediately.

"That was before I knew it would annoy you if I did," the six-year-old said with a mischievous smirk.

"Ugh, you little brat," Natasha seethed.

"Okay," Tony shook his head, "we're going now before this can escalate." Not that there weren't tons of other rowdy kids and teenagers all over the shop. "Everyone got your costumes?"

"What about you and dad?" Jake asked, looking up at them with his head cocked to one side.

"Your fathers aren't dressing up," Bruce fielded that one. 

"You should be Hulk and Iron Man!" Jake completely ignored him.

"Hey, yeah! That would be cool!" Steve agreed. "We could be one of those families that matches."

"How embarrassing," Natasha mumbled, dropping her head into her hand.

"I guess it would be kind of awesome," Clint chimed in.

"Oh boy." Bruce let out a huff of a laugh and looked at Tony.

"Guess we're going to be Hulk and Iron Man?" Tony asked, knowing they were already defeated.

"Guess so." He shook his head, smiling in amusement. Then he looked at their kids. "Alright. Natasha, take your brothers and Sam and go get in line. We'll grab the costumes and be right there."

"Fine," she said, tone unenthusiastic, and they all headed for the long line.

Tony chuckled once they were alone and wrapped his arm around Bruce's shoulders, the other man feigning a fainting spell and sagging against him before straightening again with a chuckle of his own.

Then Bruce sighed. "Alright, Iron Man. Let's go get our costumes."

"So I'm Iron Man, huh?" Tony asked with a wry smile as they moved to the superhero section for adults and grabbed the costumes. "Any particular reason, hmm?" He leered at him.

"Obviously," Bruce said with a nonchalant shrug, but there was a smile playing at the edge of his lips. "At least I seem to recall you as a rich, charismatic, playboy philanthropist when I met you anyway."

"But now I'm just the aging and tired dad. That it?" Tony looked at him with a smirk. "Trying to relive the glory days by dressing me up as Iron Man?"

Bruce rolled his eyes, chortled and shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous. These _are_ the glory days."

They had four wonderful, rambunctious kids. Their Saturdays consisted of trips just like this, games and recitals and other activities. When they got back home it would be pizza, movie and laundry night. Then maybe if they weren't so tired they just crashed, the two of them would have some nice one-on-one time after the kids were in bed.

"Yeah," Tony had to agree, all things considered, "they are." They shared a quick public display of affection and smiled at each other as they pulled away. Tony glanced over then and saw another costume. "You know," he pointed, "we don't have a Spider-man. Maybe it's time to start thinking about that hypothetical fifth child we talked about before."

Bruce's eyes widened. "Seriously?" Tony shrugged slowly. Bruce blinked a few times and then gave a small smile. "Maybe it is."

They made their way back to the front of the store to join their children and stopped short a few feet away. 

"You know what?" Tony backtracked when they were greeted by the sight of Clint and Jake roughhousing and Steve trying to break it up all while Natasha was absorbed with her phone. "Maybe four is a good even number."

Bruce snorted. "About how fast do you think I'd be arrested on charges of child abuse if I said 'Hulk smash disobedient children'?"

"Probably five, six minutes tops. But you know if you did, honey, I'd definitely bail you out."

"Admit it," Bruce bantered, "You just want to see me get arrested."

"What can I say?" Tony couldn't resist. "You look good in handcuffs."

Bruce's eyes widened and his mouth fell open. Then he looked at him with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "Ew, are you flirting with me?" He feigned disgust. "Seriously? We're in public."

Tony laughed, enough for their kids to stop what they were doing and look at them. Tony let out a sigh on the last laugh and wrapped his arm around Bruce's waist. "You better believe I am. And I don't care who hears."

"Neither do I," Bruce said with a smile and peck on the cheek. Their kids immediately protested with yucks and ews and groans so they naturally shared another quick kiss to tease them. "But I don't know," Bruce then said with a content sigh as they moved to stand in the long line properly. "One more might still be fun."

Tony smiled and nodded. If it meant more of this wonderful chaos then he was definitely on board. After all they might not be heroes, but his and Bruce's kids were definitely super.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been struggling with my depression the past week and having a hard time writing so I needed something pointless and fluffy with my two favorite dads as a pick me up. 
> 
> In case it was unclear Tony and Bruce's pov on the Black Widow costume was intended to be exaggerated because of them being overprotective dads.


	8. Thanks and Misgivings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been (lightly) edited and reposted as part of its own series [here](http://archiveofourown.org/series/604750). I'm leaving this chapter here as is for posterity/comments.
> 
> I hope everyone who celebrates Thanksgiving in any capacity, shopping or eating or with family or otherwise, had a wonderful time and didn't have to put up with bickering families - especially since tension has been high in America. After a very tiring day with my own immediate and extended family (though not _terrible_ day per se) this shmoop came to me and helped me to recoup. I hope it offers the same for others if they need it, or is otherwise enjoyable :)
> 
> This is set in the same universe from the Costume Chaos chapter. I decided to let Howard, Maria, and Rebecca still be alive in this verse because 1 the premise of this ficlet and 2 I just want them to be alive sometimes.

"Clint, if I have to turn around, you're not going to get _any_ pumpkin tarts at dessert," Bruce warned his second youngest as he finished cutting up potatoes for the second batch of mashed potatoes. Rather than turn around he transferred the potato slices to an empty pan and then poured the previously boiled and drained potatoes into the mixer bowl.

"How do you always know?" Clint grumbled. 

"Because it's your dad's superpower," Tony answered that question. 

Bruce did turn around then to see his husband and their youngest, Jake coming into the kitchen. He smiled at the sight of Tony ruffling Clint's hair while Clint gave a scrutinizing look. 

"I thought only moms had eyes in the back of their heads," Clint said. "That's what they always say in the movies."

Tony glanced at Bruce and they both snorted in unison. Tony shook his head. "Media stereotype, kiddo. That superpower is not exclusive to women. Trust me. Your dad has it." He looked at Bruce with a smirk.

Bruce rolled his eyes fondly at him and turned back around to move the bowl and knife to the sink. He heard a scraping of one of the breakfast nook's chairs across the floor and when it stopped Bruce turned his head to see Jake had moved it so he was perched next to the mixer.

"Dad said I could help!" The four-year-old beamed at him.

"Did he now?" Bruce asked with a matching grin and then came over to lean against the counter beside him. He tucked a strand of the boy's unruly blonde hair behind his ear. Clint hurried over and stood behind the chair and eyed the pan of potatoes. Bruce chuckled and grabbed a small slice and held it out. "Only one," he said. "Potatoes aren't very good for us raw," he reminded them.

Clint took it greedily and munched on it just the same. "But they taste so good!"

Jake wrinkled his nose at him and then looked up at Bruce. Then he shifted his eyes up to Tony when he came to stand on the other side of the chair. "Can I start helping now?"

"I figured now's a good moment to tag in for a bit," Tony explained to Bruce, in reference to their back and forth. When they weren't cooking together, one would cook for a while as the other one kept the kids from overwhelming Grandma Rebecca too much. "Jennifer just got here," Tony supplied.

"Is Uncle Walter here yet!?" Clint immediately questioned. "I can't wait to ask him all about new cases he's working on!"

"Not quite," Tony answered. "But Jen said they'll be along in about fifteen or twenty minutes."

"Which," Bruce seized the opportunity, "is just enough time for you to go get cleaned up and changed."

Clint's shoulders sagged and he sighed. "Fine," he mumbled and then left the kitchen in a huff.

Bruce and Tony shared another glance. The familiar look of _we're doing this parenting thing right, right?_

"Alright," Bruce said as Tony moved past him to wash his hands. "I guess that's a good reason to take a break. This pan of potatoes need to get started on boiling and these potatoes are ready to be mashed. And maybe if Jake wants to help some more after that he can put the rolls on the tray for later."

"Yeah!"

Bruce smiled and Tony chuckled in his ear as he came up just behind him. "I think we can handle that," Tony said. "We're very big boys now. Learning how to tie our own shoes and everything."

"That so?" Bruce twisted and craned his neck to look at Tony with a wry smile.

"Totally," Tony replied in a teasing tone and leaned in to give him a peck on the lips.

"Okay then. Tag," Bruce smiled against his lips, "you're it." They shared another succinct kiss. And then another one. And then-

"Can I hit the button yet?" Jake interrupted and Bruce looked back to see him watching them through the fingers of one hand brought up to his face in a show of melodramatics. Other times he reacted to their kissing with giggles. And other times with groans. Of all of the kids he was still at the unpredictable age.

"Alright, it's button time," Tony replied playfully and moved towards the mixer.

Bruce lingered for just a few seconds before leaving the kitchen and moving to the family room where Jennifer had no doubt gone, rather than the formal living room. Just because they lived in a veritable mansion with plenty of spaces available for entertaining didn't mean they behaved like it most of the time. There he found Natasha already chatting with his cousin, always glad to spend time with her like she did with all of the women in her life that helped compensate for her lack of sisters and mother. Bruce's mother was there too, crocheting while Steve sat close beside her with his tablet.

Bruce crossed over to Jennifer as soon as she spotted him, opening her arms for a hug. "I still can't believe you two decided to host Thanksgiving for all of us," she said in lieu of a more formal greeting.

He chuckled as he pulled away. "Yeah. We're still a little wary of our family experiment too. I don't think everyone's been together like this since the day we brought Natasha home," he exaggerated.

"And I don't recall that ending well," Jennifer tried to protest.

"Hush," Bruce silenced her and then placed a hand on Natasha's shoulder as she clearly pretended not to be listening while she scrolled through her Facebook feed. "I think it's been long enough not to worry too much about that."

"Bruce," Jennifer continued to protest regardless, "even Tony knows how difficult his father is."

"Fair enough," Bruce admitted with a sigh. "But let's try to remember Tony's parents are outnumbered by the amount of relatives I'll have here. And as brash and staunchly, er, conservative as he can be, Howard is still my father-in-law. And he usually comes around eventually. As long as there isn't any brow-beating," he warned her.

"Is that your way of saying politics are off the table?" Jennifer asked with a raised brow.

"Definitely not on the table," Bruce confirmed. "Not even under the table. Any other year I wouldn't try to censor the topic, but for the love of all things good in this world _please_ no politics this year."

She smiled gently at him and gave his arm a squeeze. "Understood. But it's not me breaching the topic you have to worry about," she reminded him.

Bruce sighed. "I know. But certain parties more boisterous than others have already been informed of the request. And just because you'll be good enough not to breach it, I know the attorney in you has a mind of her own once it gets started," he said with a good-humored smile.

"Guilty, but don't pretend you're not passionate about a lot of things too."

"Touché." Bruce gave her another hug and then left her and Natasha to their bonding.

He went and sat down beside Steve on the couch and glanced down at his tablet to see that he was watching some videos on YouTube. Steve smiled up at him and scooted a little closer to him so they could more comfortably watch together. Bruce smiled for the fact that his oldest son hadn't yet reached the standoffish age. They laughed over the current video he had playing, a compilation of football fails, and Bruce was glad for the small moment of contentment just the two of them. With four kids and especially on a day like this, where he was admittedly a little stressed, it was a nice moment to treasure. He glanced over his son's head to see his mother watching them both with a warm smile. The moment was then interrupted by chaos, as these kinds of moments often were.

"Mr. and Mrs. Walters have arrived," JARVIS, the artificial intelligence of Tony's design, announced.

"I'll let them in!" Clint shouted from somewhere in the spacious house.

Bruce wondered a little at his lung power, or where he was at. He hoped he wasn't attempting to get into their home's oversized vents again. He decided to get up just to see if he could find out, but on his way he was instead met with a different issue. Tony and Jake were coming from the kitchen and it was immediately obvious why. Jake's face, hair and shirt were covered with potato.

"Somebody decided to find out what the red button does," Tony explained when the three met in the middle. "Before I could stop him. Guess we still got a few things to learn," he added with a rueful chuckle.

Bruce lifted his hand to his mouth to try and hide his amusement and hold in a laugh at the comical sight. On closer inspection, Tony had some potato on him too, though only a small bit. "It's not funny," Bruce said, trying to keep himself in check. Jake was looking up at him with guiltily pursed lips and round blue eye amidst the drying potato. Bruce couldn't help it and started laughing. "I'm sorry," he apologized between snickers, although it was unnecessary as Tony and Jake were laughing too.

"Do you want to get him cleaned up or me?" Tony asked once they were calmed down again.

Bruce had a few more quiet ripples of laughter as he reached up and thumbed away a bit of potato caught in Tony's facial hair. "Well, seeing as you both need to get cleaned up, I think I'll get back to the kitchen."

Tony narrowed his eyes down his nose trying to see the bit of potato on Bruce's thumb. "Guess I was in the splash zone," he said with a shake of his head. "Alright, buddy, let's go." Tony ushered their youngest on down the hall.

Bruce turned and watched them for a second, still amused in spite of everything. He wasn't sure what state he would find the kitchen in, but sometimes it was worth it for the small moments like this.

** •x∙x∙x∙x∙x∙x∙x• **

"You probably think I'm a terrible help don't you, Bruce dear," Maria said to him with a small laugh as she pulled the lid off of the pasta salad and stirred it. "I'm afraid I never had much need to learn how to cook as wealthy as I've always been."

Bruce smiled at her and shook his head as he removed the green bean casserole from one of the ovens. "You know, obviously the gentleman in me says I should say you're a wonderful help, and I would mean it, but the horrible person in me says I should take this golden opportunity to rib Tony a little and suggest now I know where he gets it from." She threw her head back a little in a more open laugh, not unlike Tony sometimes did - and Howard too come to think of it; it seemed to be a trait one or the other had copied at some point perhaps and then Tony had copied it from them both. "Sorry," he said as he placed the casserole on the island, standing beside her as he did.

"Oh, no need for that and you know it," she said and patted his hand where it rested on the counter top. "Besides, I know Tony. He's pretty crazy about that impish streak of yours and has probably done his fair share to encourage it over the years."

Bruce snorted and gave a small nod. "That's true. I'm at least seventy-two percent more inclined to be an imp now than when I first met him."

Maria smiled and turned sideways to face him. He followed suit. "Then don't let a little joke at my expense worry you. I'm just happy that you both still make each other happy." She patted him on his cheek this time and he returned her smile. Then with a wink she said, "And don't think Tony got all of that impudence from Howard. Did I ever tell you about the time I slipped past my body guards and sneaked into a casino just to see how much money I could lose for the fun of it?"

Bruce looked at her with wide-eyed amusement. "No, but Tony _has_ mentioned a couple of times you pulled a diva act when he was a kid to get you both out of very important SI gatherings," he said in a conspiratorial tone. "I'd say it was definitely one of the examples that stuck with him," he teased.

Maria laughed and shook her head. "Oh, poor Bruce. I know Howard and I have left you with quite the handful to deal with over the years."

Bruce chuckled too. "Well, I wouldn't have him any other way," he said in earnest. "Not even when he's five seconds away from sleeping in the guest room," he added and shook his head with a wide grin. "I knew what I was getting into when I fell in love with him. Maybe I've always been pretty crazy for that impossible streak in him." And that was true. Once upon a time Tony had strutted into his life and when Bruce had tried to tip-toe around the near-instant draw he felt to the crazy, wonderful, outlandish, passionate, wilful man he'd ended up tripping over his toes and falling head over heels. "And I wouldn't say I'm exactly Prince Charming here," he jabbed at himself.

Maria opened her mouth to respond when suddenly Tony marched into the kitchen with a look on his face that screamed one thing and one thing only. Bruce shared a knowing look with Tony's mother.

"This is going to be a long night," Tony grumbled. "I think I already need a drink." Then he looked between them and must have noticed their closeness and asked, "What were you two talking about?"

"You of course," Maria answered with a twinkle in her eyes and then very purposely moved to a different part of the kitchen to let Bruce handle it.

"Okay," Tony said uncertainly before shaking his head. He then moved into the space where she'd been, leaning his hip against the island and crossing his arms indignantly before starting up on his grumbling again. "I swear, honey, without you to keep me sane that man would have driven me to be an alcoholic ages ago."

Bruce tried not to sound too incredulous with his reply of, "Tony, you haven't even been with him for an hour."

"Babe, sometimes all it takes is five minutes. Why do you think I couldn't work for him anymore?"

"Because you had a different vision," Bruce answered plainly, trying to remind him not to exaggerate his frustration. 

Tony deflated and let his arms fall. "Okay, that's technically true, but not working for him was a very good incentive." 

"Alright, what's he doing?" Bruce indulged. He then moved to finish the meal prep and Tony followed.

"Well, he's playing favorites with Steve again for one."

Bruce frowned slightly at that answer, his own paternal instincts chafing like Tony's at the injustice, as he opened another oven to take out the turkey. Before he could Tony jumped into do it instead. Bruce knew it was Tony's subtle way of being a tad chivalrous, which was sweet, and he figured it was a decent distraction so he waited until Tony had set it down on the stove top before he replied to Tony's complaint about his father.

"Tony," he said very slowly as they began inspecting the turkey in tandem, "I know he seems to pay attention to Steve disproportionately, but we've talked about this." He shook his head and pushed aside the instincts he had to give Howard a piece of his mind about it like Tony wanted them to do. "Don't make a big deal about it in front of the kids. It's not Steve's fault."

"I know, I know," Tony said in defense and pulled away from the stove. "And I didn't," he assured him before continuing with a sigh. "But, _Bruce_ , it just... It frustrates me to no end. It's not fair to the others and it's not fair to Steve. And I'm fairly certain at this point he wishes Steve had been his son instead of me." Bruce lifted his eyebrows and turned to look at him. "Hell, _sometimes_ I think a stubborn part of him would still be a little backwards about you and me if it wasn't for the fact he wouldn't have Steve as a grandson otherwise!"

"Hey, hey, Tony." Bruce quickly bridged the space between them and placed one hand on the back of Tony's neck and ran the other up and down his arm in a soothing fashion. Tony was starting to get worked up about this more than was good for anyone, but especially himself. "I know you're upset about this and you know I love you for it." That seemed to make Tony focus on him again. Bruce gave him a small smile. "You love our kids and want what's best for all of them. Tony, you're an amazing father for that. But, I'm positive Howard loves all of them even if Steve's personality is one he connects with. He's human and we can't do anything other than try and not make this harder. It's not fair, but at the end of the day the thing that matters most is that _we're_ making sure our kids know we love them each the same and are invested in all of them individually. At the end of the day, what _we_ are doing or not doing is going to have more bearing. There's no reason for you to get so upset about this that you lose sight of that, okay? We'll figure it out," he promised.

Tony nodded and then leaned in and captured his lips. Bruce readily kissed his husband for a long moment. "You're right," Tony said with another nod and a sigh when they pulled apart. "It's hard, but I'll try to let that one go. At least today. But," he shook his head, "it's still going to be a long night. There are other things."

"I know," Bruce empathized before leaning in and whispering in Tony's ear, "but I guess that just means you'll have more than earned a massage." He could feel Tony's body thrill at the prospect, as well as he knew it by now.

Tony smiled eagerly and whispered in response, "I'd say we'll both have earned a little t.l.c. by the end of the night." Then louder he said, "Fine. I'll go back out there and try harder to just smile and nod." Then with a laugh he said, "Or maybe I'll just set up a kid's table and eat with them."

Bruce snorted at the idea, which Tony probably wouldn't have any actual qualm in following through with, as he watched him put on a brave face and leave the kitchen again. Then he sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face. He was reminded of Maria's presence when she came up beside him again and laced an arm with his.

"Not that I'm sure it would do any good, but would you like me to say something to the old ass about it?"

Bruce considered the offer for a moment before looking down at her with a grateful smile. "No, but if it becomes too much of a problem, then I promise we'll tell you and you can help us then."

She nodded in understanding and then leaned in and gave him a motherly kiss to the cheek. "Mr. and Mr. Charming," she stated and Bruce couldn't help but duck his head and then look at her with a sheepish smile. Howard Stark might be a difficult father-in-law sometimes, but Maria Stark was an amazing mother-in-law.

**•x∙x∙x∙x∙x∙x∙x•**

Bruce took a bite of mashed potatoes as he listened to the buzz of conversation from his kids going on seemingly all at once around the table.

"And then he was all, 'I don't believe you're actually a brown belt,'" Natasha was recounting a story to Jennifer and Elaine. "And of course brown belt rank dictates you have to start learning control," Bruce thought she sounded like there was an eye-roll accompanied with that statement, "so instead of round-housing _him_ like I really wanted to, I just freaked him out by holding as good a pointe as you can in tennis shoes. Then I did a triple pirouette that I transferred into a roundhouse air kick instead of simple stage jump."

"Whoa," her cousin and aunt applauded, "well done. I bet you've been practicing that."

"I have!"

Bruce winced a little at Natasha's violent streak, but it was just one of the things that made her unique. He glanced to his right to see Tony clearly having heard the exchange and smiling proudly rather than even a hint of concern.

"Yeah, we went to this flight museum and there was this flight simulator," Steve was telling his grandmothers his own story around snickers, "and I totally crashed the plane like three times. It was so embarrassing. Sam laughed and said I better never become a pilot."

"Well, did _he_ do better?" Rebecca asked.

"Oh yeah, he did really good!" Steve praised his friend. "Like, so good he could totally become a pilot."

"Really now?" Maria replied. "Well, maybe we can hire him to fly our private jet in ten years," she said with a laugh.

"Or maybe Steve here will have his own private jet by then he can fly instead," Rebecca suggested.

Bruce glanced between the conspiring grandmothers and then at Steve to see he seemed both confused and sheepish about that idea. "He wants to go into the military," he said with a crinkled nose. 

Bruce chuckled around a bite of yams before his attention was caught by Clint's conversation with Walter that had taken a slightly age-inappropriate turn. Bruce glanced down at Jake beside him to see his eyes round as saucers and dinner roll halfway to his agape mouth. Bruce glared at his uncle and shook his head.

"How about we discuss something else now," he said in an even tone.

"Right," Walter nodded, "uh, so, Clint have you and your brothers and sister started making your Christmas wishlists for Santa yet?"

All four kids promptly turned their attention to him and in near-unison shouted, "A dog!"

"Uh-oh. Maybe that's not a safe topic either," Walter said with a chuckle.

"As you can see they've come to the conclusion their best bet is to stand in solidarity," Tony replied with a snort.

"I still remember when you begged for a dog," Maria said to her son with a smile.

Tony didn't match it, rather frowned at his father. Bruce discreetly moved the hand sitting in his lap to squeeze his husband's knee. With the kids suddenly determined to ask for a dog until they got their way, Tony had shared with him how his father had been against pets of any kind so eventually he'd stopped asking.

"But are you in solidarity about what kind of dog?" Walter pressed on with the discussion.

"A Borzoi," Natasha said.

"No! A golden retriever!" Steve argued. "They're classic!"

"I want a Beethoven," Jake declared excitedly.

"A Saint Bernard," Bruce reminded him gently.

"Yeah! A Saint Bernard!"

"Oh dear," Elaine said with a small laugh.

"Well, he gets that from his dad," Bruce said with a look at Tony, who very seriously wanted a massive dog if they ever decided to cave which was becoming more and more likely.

"I think we should just adopt a mutt from the bad place and give him a good home," Clint said with a shrug.

"The bad place?" Walter lifted an eyebrow.

"That's what they call the pound in Homeward Bound," Jennifer supplied to her father.

The kids started having a lively debate about their thoughts about dogs, while most of their older relatives listened and prompted and interjected. Bruce merely listened with a smile. When the conversation turned toward the dog show earlier in the day, Bruce glanced at Tony to see if he was chomping at the bit to share their secret too only to find him in a tense, if not loud, conversation with his father. Bruce tuned into what was going on out of concern.

"Oh, yes, of course I know that," Howard was saying with a displeased tone. "I saw the saccharine little video you posted on SBI's website and media pages wishing the protesters thanks for their ongoing efforts. Too bad it completely misses the point of what's really going on here-"

"What's really going on here?" Tony scoffed. "The only thing going on here is we refuse to celebrate a holiday about imagined peace and prosperity while ignoring the rights of those same people who we're supposed to have been grateful to on this day in the first place. Not to mention I'd say safe resources is still something to be damn thankful for."

Bruce bit his tongue when he realized what they were discussing. Jennifer was right that he was passionate about some things and this was definitely one of those things. He didn't need to make the conversation more heated than it already seemed to be.

" _We_?" Howard countered. "Are you sure that's the case? Because the son I raised would approach this situation from a neutral, professionally responsible angle. Tell me, Tony, how do you think you'll ever manage to usher in your idealized clean energy reform when this country can't even sustain itself with the number one energy source we've had for centuries? You're not thinking like an industrialist about this because you're too concerned about some politically correct human fluff piece element."

"Excuse me, but what exactly are you implying?" Tony asked with a threatening undertone to his voice.

"I'm not implying anything," Howard responded, unfazed. "I'm saying I think this is more in-line with Bruce's ideologies and you are acting like every husband has before you in that you're willing to sacrifice your own convictions to keep your spouse happy. Just as I'm sure he's done plenty for you," Howard added, but Bruce had to admit it felt a little like an afterthought. "I think you both need to discuss this again and," Howard looked at him then, "I'd urge you, Bruce, to try and look at this from the point of view of a seasoned business man and not keep him from doing the smart thing."

Bruce's own temper flared at the condescending challenge and he opened his mouth to retort when Tony shot up to his feet in a more showy protest, throwing his fork down only for it to bounce off the table and onto the floor. Everyone at the table went quiet and watched the standoff with interest. Beside him Jake scooted to the edge of his chair and was practically in Bruce's lap as he watched his father practically fume from the nostrils at his grandfather.

"Okay, one, I don't know if you're actually blind or just willfully ignorant, but these _are_ my convictions. They have been for a long time. Or have you been unfamiliar with SBI's mission statement all these years? Which, you know, fyi, I came up with on my own. The only thing Bruce has to do with this is that we have the same vision and so we support each other. Hell, dad, it's one of the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place. Him and me, we're the same on this. Two, if you're going to sit there and insult him like that in front of our children and our other guests, you can leave this house right now." Howard's eyebrows shot up and his face turned red. "I mean that. I don't care what your intent was or if you still care about your son-in-law, I won't stand for behavior to the contrary."

"Tony." Bruce had been momentarily overwhelmed with emotion, but finally intervened. He reached out a hand and touched Tony's back. Tony glanced down, his dark eyes blinking, like he'd been in a daze, and focusing on him. "It's fine, okay? Let's not get carried aw-"

"It's not fine," Tony countered and looked back at his flustered father.

"Tony, please?" He tried again and Tony met his gaze once more. He tweaked his jaw and studied him before his face softened. He just gave a small nod, but rather than sit back down he left the table, making an excuse about getting a new fork from the kitchen. Bruce breathed a sigh of relief and then looked down at Jake's uncertain gaze. He smoothed his unruly blonde hair and then glanced around at his other three children to check on their reactions. He couldn't bring himself to look at any of his other family. The only other person he forced himself to look at is Howard as he said, "I believe you're entitled to your opinions, Howard. And I wouldn't begin to tell you how to run Stark Industries since it's your company. Whether or not you think it's the smart thing, I do view our stance on this as one of being professionally responsible and business savvy. The matter of honoring contracts and upholding the law aside, businesses backing this stand a lot to lose if, and past experience implies a very big probability of _when_ , we end up with something astronomically more threatening than the Roxxon spill off Miami. As for politically correct human fluff piece, well, I won't apologize for worrying about the safety of others the way I do for myself and my own family just because it might not affect me personally." He sighed and shook his head. "I don't want you to leave, but I do expect the agreement we all had on no politics, not even business politics, to be honored. Did Tony start this or did you?"

Howard opened his mouth, still looking a little hot around the collar, like he wanted to protest being spoken back to by him too, but Maria checked it with a stern, "Howard?"

He sighed as if he was the one put upon and said, "All I did was mention investors expect a different stance from a billion dollar company."

Bruce was up to his feet half way through Howard's sentence and excusing himself to go check on Tony, ignoring the man's protests to his wife that he'd only been trying to help that followed immediately after. He walked briskly to the kitchen and found Tony hunched over the sink, both hands gripping the edges, and his eyes closed. As he moved toward him, Tony opened his eyes and straightened up when he noticed him.

"Bruce, look, I-" Bruce cut off his unnecessary apology by pressing into Tony's space and capturing his lips in an emphatic kiss. "Not the reaction I was expecting," he said, a little dazed, when they broke apart. 

"Well, it should have been," Bruce replied. "After a speech like that why wouldn't it be?"

"Because I broke my promise and ruined everything. I should have just left it alone when he brought it up."

"Maybe," Bruce agreed, "but I understand why you didn't. Besides, that's not why I'm kissing you," he pointed out and then accentuated the point by kissing him again.

Tony clearly understood because this time he kissed him back in a way that suggested to him he was backing up his own earlier points to Howard about Bruce. "He doesn't get to fucking belittle my amazing husband," Tony practically growled, voice dripping with a tone that screamed _protect_ , into one of their kisses.

Bruce moaned a little at the force of it before pushing back with all of his own feelings of indignation against Howard on Tony's behalf. "He doesn't get to belittle my amazing husband either."

Their kisses quickly turned into an impromptu make-out session that the rational part of Bruce's brain told him was already far too sexually-charged and likely to lead to something inappropriate for the situation. It was halted, however, before that could become the case by giggles, muttered 'ums' and 'ews', and a 'maybe we should leave.' They broke apart again to see their kids standing there looking various shades of scandalized - except Jake who this time looked far too instinctively curious about what his dads were up to.

Bruce cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure and a more normal level of breathing, before asking, "Is everything okay?"

"That's why we came," Natasha replied.

"Yeah, we wanted to make sure you guys weren't too sad about fighting with gramps," Clint said as the four of them walked over. Bruce shared a surprised smile with Tony.

"Grandpa loves us, doesn't he?" Jake asked, looking up at them as he hugged Tony's leg.

Tony sighed and placed a hand on the crown of Jake's head. "Yeah, he does," he said. "Just because people argue and say things they shouldn't doesn't mean they don't care at all. It just means they're not always great at showing it. What your grandfather said was hurtful and not okay which is why I told him so. But that doesn't necessarily mean we all have to stop caring about him or think he doesn't care at all about us. Make sense?"

Whether he understood entirely or not Jake nodded and so did the other three.

"He definitely cares about the four of you," Bruce reiterated. "So don't you worry about that."

"Well," Steve said and hugged Bruce around the waist, "I didn't really understand everything that was being said, but any of the mean things was definitely not true." Clint and Natasha joined them ant it turned into a group hug that warmed Bruce's heart.

"Yeah, they may be lame sometimes, but our dads are the best guy's in the world," Natasha agreed as they hugged.

After a minute, Clint pulled back and looked up at them. "Are we still having dessert or are you guys too mad now?"

Tony and Bruce laughed in sync. "Of course we're still having dessert," Tony said with a playful punch to the boy's shoulder. He then looked at Bruce and then back at the kids. "After all we still have a very big secret to share with everyone, remember?"

"Oh yeah!" They all said in unison and then rushed out of the kitchen.

"Are you sure we should after all that?" Bruce asked.

"Maybe not as soon as we get back in there," Tony reasoned. "But I haven't been putting up with my dad all night for no reason."

Bruce smiled and leaned in to share one more kiss with Tony before they returned to the formal dining room.

**•x∙x∙x∙x∙x∙x∙x•**

About an hour after the argument, the dinner had been cleared away and desserts placed out on the table instead. Apologies had been offered and the tension mostly settled. Sure, there were still hurt feelings and underlining disagreements that would probably always be there, but Bruce was grateful it was being ignored for the time being. With the more calm atmosphere as a backdrop and sugar and hot drinks as a good accompaniment, Bruce turned his head toward Tony and with just one look they were in obvious agreement. Tony reached for his hand, entwining their fingers, and they stood to their feet so that everyone focused their attention on them.

"Alright, so you're probably all wondering why we went through the trouble of inviting everyone over here for a glorified turkey dinner in the first place," Tony started.

"Well, you know, other than the fact that we care about our family and enjoy spending time with all of you," Bruce added in jest and there were some chuckles in response.

"Right, of course. There's that." Tony nodded and there were more laughs. "But the truth is," he became serious again, "we invited you all here because we wanted this to be a celebration of family. Even when we don't all get along, I don't think there's anything in this world that I'm more thankful for than family. I'm thankful for my parents. I'm thankful for my father's hard work and for teaching me the value of conviction and being a stubborn ass that goes after the things he wants and doesn't take no for an answer... even when he's the one telling me no." Tony nodded toward his father who Bruce noted looked genuinely surprised and pleased by the concession. "I know I wouldn't have even half the privilege that I do right now without him or without my mother. I'm thankful for her guidance and her unwavering support even when it means she has to play referee for both of the stubborn asses in her life."

"I'm thankful to my mother," Bruce said. "For being the strongest, bravest woman I know. For beating the odds and fighting for us to have a better life. I'm thankful to my Uncle Walter and Aunt Elaine, and to my Aunt Susan who couldn't be here, for their support of my mom and me when we needed it most. For helping us in having that better life. And I'm thankful for my cousin Jennifer for being the best friend I needed when sometimes it felt like there wasn't anyone else. I'm thankful that her friendship and support hasn't waned in all these years."

"Finally," Tony started again, "I couldn't celebrate Thanksgiving without saying, above everything, I'm grateful that after nearly fifteen years this wonderful man here is still beside me. I'll forever be grateful to the universe that our paths crossed."

"And I'm grateful that of all the men Tony could have had his choice of, he chose me," Bruce said with a watery smile. "I couldn't have asked for a better husband or father for our children."

"And that goes doubly for me," Tony said, looking back at their guests. "Which is why we wanted to share the news with everyone that soon we'll have a little more reason to be thankful. Bruce and I have decided to make our family bigger."

The announcement was, as to be expected, met with gasps and smiles and tears and shock.

Bruce nodded in confirmation. "Tony and I have considered a fifth child for some time and after discussing it with the kids we've decided as a family that we're ready. As of Monday we've started the adoption process." Bruce's mother was up and over to give them both a hug as soon as he finished. Maria was close behind.

Tony and Bruce still held hands as they sat back down. The rest of the evening was spent in a genuinely pleasant mood, conversation turning to encouragement, joking disbelief, and questioning of the kids on why they wanted another sibling. Bruce hadn't been sure how their family members would take it as a whole, anymore than he and Tony had known how the kids would respond to the idea initially, but as they were met with overwhelming support, even if some of it was a little more understated than others, Bruce knew they had so very much to be thankful for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. "Idk I'm starting to fall in love with this little au," she says about almost every au she comes up with especially where kids are involved. As I was writing this and alluding to backstory I kept thinking NOW I WANT TO WRITE THE BACKSTORY. (So, if my brain has its way, this may become a non-linear oneshot at a time series of its own.)  
> 2\. Justice for the Maria Stark who was headstrong and romantic and shouted at Howard in defense of Tony and loved adopted!Tony like her own son and was close to him and was a philanthropist and so on. It's easy to see the aspects of Howard in Tony, especially in the MCU, but if you really dig into what we have of Maria I think there's clear evidence that some of Tony's most redeeming aspects are more inspired by her (in my opinion - essentially just like Bruce with Rebecca vs. the negative qualities Brian inspired, which is one of the reasons why I love these two characters together so much).  
> 2\. Tony doesn't have time for your patriarchal shit anymore, Howard. Neither does Bruce.  
> 3\. Obviously the political climate in this au mirrors our own (like it sometimes does in the films) so they're basically arguing over a Dakota Access Pipeline type situation, only I imagine in their world Roxxon would be the major entity behind it. And who knows what presidential parallel there might be possible in-verse, but whoever it is the implication is clearly that it was similarly contentious and not everyone voted the same.  
> 4\. Use of the word 'vision' here and there was a very low-key intentional word choice as a shout out to the Vision-as-their-son jokes/headcanons.  
> 5\. This was only skim-edited so there might be some typos and stuff in there. If you see anything too glaring/distracting before I catch it, please kindly point it out.


	9. A Little Awkward (Guess Who's Coming To Dinner Verse)

Bruce couldn't remember a time in his life where awkwardness alone had made him feel like he might have an incident.

Not the time (or, well, first time or any other time) an Avenger had come to one of their labs only to interrupt several safety violations in progress.

Not the time when he'd come back down from an incident sufficiently naked in the middle of a petting zoo of all places.

Not even the time when he'd accidentally sent a flirty (okay, flirtatiously raunchy) email to all of S.H.I.E.L.D. instead of just Tony. That had been a close call, though since Tony had exacerbated the problem by using 'reply all' on an even raunchier email. They'd been lectured at length by Fury about inappropriate uses of the S.H.I.E.L.D. resources.  

The point being, if Bruce had to fight back the Hulk every time he felt awkward or embarrassed, he might as well just give up and let Hulk take over for good. _Especially_ considering his knack for being awkward by default, his luck for stumbling into embarrassing situations, and all of the additional situations he managed to find himself in thanks to Tony's questionable influence.

But Bruce had his limits, or maybe his age was starting to catch up with him, and watching his husband stare down their son's boyfriend at the dinner table while their son practically begged him silently to do something about it was definitely one of those limits. At the very least, faking an incident seemed like a pretty good contingency plan.

After a moment of genuine contemplation, he decided that should probably be Plan B. Instead, he cleared his throat and tried to start small chat since it was clear Tony wasn't going to any time soon. "So, uh, Mr. Wayne," he said, spooning some mashed potatoes onto his plate, "Clark tells me you've both been seeing each other for a while now."

"We have," the younger man said. "And, you're welcome to call me Bruce if you'd like, Dr. Banner."

Bruce's eyes widened and he nearly dropped the ladle of green beans he'd been in the process of transferring to his plate. He cleared his throat again and glanced at Tony to see him briefly break his glare from Wayne to look at him with an expression that said, _I told you so_ , only to turn his gaze sharply back, somehow looking even more murderous than before if that were possible.

"Um, yes, well…" Bruce gave a nervous chuckle and looked back at Wayne. "I guess that depends. Are _you_ comfortable with calling _me_ Bruce?"

Wayne gave a smooth chuckle in contrast. "I see your point. I guess we'll have to work to that." He paused and glanced at Tony before looking at Clark and smiling. "Since I hope we'll have plenty of time to get better acquainted."

Clark beamed and reached across the table to take his boyfriend's free hand in his to give it a squeeze. Bruce couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corners of his lips at seeing Clark so undeniably happy. He also had to admit, as Clark's father, he approved of seeing him openly adored.

His smile turned back into a neutral line when he looked to see Tony absolutely did not approve of Wayne's open adoration for Clark, or maybe the implication that he was going to try to become a more permanent fixture in their lives. _His_ eyes were narrowed in open suspicion.

"If my memory serves me correctly," Tony began in a curt tone, only to be interrupted.

"No need for false modesty, Mr. Stark," Wayne said. "We're all aware that your eidetic memory likely serves you perfectly." Bruce choked on the bite of dinner roll he'd taken at the absolute wrong time. Suddenly Wayne was looking at him with alarm and his hand moved to Bruce's back with lightning fast reflexes. He seemed poised to perform the Heimlich maneuver at a second's notice. "Are you alright, Dr. Banner?"

Tony practically growled and moved his own hand to Bruce's back to help him and another to his arm in order to rub circles into his skin in a deliberate pattern, a pattern meant to ground him just in case his adrenaline started spiking into dangerous territory. Bruce had to admit that he was grateful to have Tony take over, Wayne moving back in understanding of his husband's, amusingly territorial, threat.

"You okay, honey?" Tony's tone was gentle in contrast to his behavior so far. He studied his eyes, patting him on the back and then reaching for his water to hand to him. Bruce nodded and took a drink. "Sure?"

"Yeah," he croaked out. "Yeah, it's fine. Just, um—"

"Actually, dad's memory is notorious," Clark interjected. Bruce's eyes widened at his son's misguided effort to neutralize the situation. "One time he took me to work with him and forgot that he did," he was laughing as he recounted the incident, "and he got halfway home before he remembered. And one time he forgot that—" Clark stopped when he finally picked up on Bruce's pointed look. He looked at his other dad with an apologetic expression before looking at his boyfriend. "I mean, dad's absolutely brilliant. You're right about that. He's just, uh, a little forgetful? You know I can be too," he offered.

Wayne looked like he was between a rock and a hard place and Bruce knew any response was likely to be futile, but he still went with a clumsy, "Right. Sorry to assume."

Tony was back to glaring. "Oh, no, you assumed correctly. I was trying to be polite," and, though minimal, Bruce knew that was true, "but I have absolutely no problem at all recalling your scathing remarks toward the Daily Planet and toward Clark for his position on Superman."

Bruce closed his eyes and counted to ten. When he opened them, Clark was looking down at his plate with that expression that told Bruce he was fighting his own temper in favor of trying to be patient and positive, and because he was always very aware of how much power he possessed. Meanwhile, Tony looked like he'd finally gotten the upper hand and Wayne like he'd been dealt a hard blow.

After a long and awkward silence, nearly enough to make Plan B seem like the only way to end it, Wayne replied, "I did." His voice was more gravely than it had been thus far and Bruce thought he almost sounded like a different person as jarring as the contrast was. "And you have every right to be angry with me for that. Skeptical even. But," he glanced at Clark who caught the movement and broke his near laser – although thankfully not literally – gaze away from his plate to look back, "I'm not proud of that. It was before I knew what kind of man your son really is. I know I don't deserve his forgiveness where my past sins are concerned, but I'm a better man because of it." He met Tony's tireless scrutiny head on again. "If I could, I would go back and modify my behavior."

Bruce opened his mouth to give him, and Clark, a little reassurance on his part, but before he could, Tony countered with, "Seriously? Because our amazingly good-natured son fell for your charm you expect us to forget all about how you literally bought a controlling interest in the press to silence him?"

"Yes, dad," Clark finally spoke up again, tone agitated, "that's what he expects. It's what _I_ expect. Because it's in the past and hasn't changed _my_ decision to be with him."

"And I had very good reasons to purchase The Daily Planet, Mr. Stark. None of them which involved wanting to silence Clark or any other reporter, even if I'm aware of why some have had their doubts."

"You're buying this?" Tony asked Clark, pointing to Wayne as he did. "Clark, he _hates_ Superman, remember? How can you trust someone who hates Superman?"

"Dad, leave Superman out of this. It's a nonissue," he argued.

"I never hated Superman," Wayne defended himself and ignored the frustrated look Clark threw his way. "I mistrusted him. Call it a character flaw if you like, but I have a tendency to mistrust anyone with unlimited power." Bruce winced. He couldn't blame Bruce Wayne for that stance when he himself had long been inclined to mistrust himself, mistrust Hulk, but Tony never had and one look at his husband told him Wayne might as well have said, 'Oh, by the way I'm coming for Hulk next.' "But I was wrong about Superman. So wrong, in fact, that I would think absolutely no one, least of all you, could accuse me of hating him these days."

"Oh god," Bruce muttered in understanding just as Tony shot up to his feet, looking between Clark and Wayne. "Tony—" he started, but it was too late.

"He _knows_!?"

Clark stood as well. "Of course he knows."

"What do you mean of course he knows? That's not an answer."

"Yes, it is," Clark argued. "I'm in a very serious relationship with him whether you like it or not so of course he knows."

Tony looked at Bruce. "Did you know about this too?"

"No," he answered with a shake of his head, "but, Tony, he's an adult. It's his secret to tell."

Tony looked back at their son. "You know better than to take that risk, but with someone who not even three years ago would have misused that information? What were you thinking, Kal?"

"Tony, you promised me you'd behave," Bruce interjected.

Clark threw up his hands. "I was _thinking_ I'm smart enough to know who to trust and when because my parents taught me how to take care of myself. But I also thought they'd be happy for me that I found someone I care about and know without a doubt I can trust with both sides of myself, but I was apparently wrong so, who knows? Maybe you're right, dad. Maybe Bruce is just waiting for the perfect moment to rip out my heart and serve it on a platter to Darkseid."

Bruce saw the accused man flinch before he growled, sounding even less like himself, "That's not funny, Kal."

Clark turned his sharp gaze toward his boyfriend and all but shouted, "I wasn't trying to be funny. I was being hyperbolic." There was a moment of deafening silence before Clark said much more calmly, "There are people in Guatemala who need my help." Without waiting for a response he left the dining room and a few seconds later the front door was clearly heard being slammed shut.

Bruce sighed and looked at Tony. As long as they'd been together now, he could read him like an open book. The tense line of his body and the expression on his face told him he was fighting with his urge to put on a suit and chase after their son.

"Do what you have to do." Tony looked at him for a moment before nodding and leaving the room as well. When they were alone, Bruce sighed again and asked, "How much do you know?" He might as well confront the other topic while they had a few moments of peace. It was clear from his expression that Wayne understood the true nature of his question, and that was answer already.

"Kal… Clark," he corrected, as if unsure he was in any position to be confirming just how intimate he was with the man in question that he was able to use both of his monikers, "didn't tell me. I pieced it together. Superman seemed more concerned about what General Lane's attempted collusion with General Ross might mean for Hulk than what it might mean for himself. And my suspicions were all but confirmed when Mr. Stark hacked Wayne Industries in order to shut down the joint military defense contract the Generals were seeking. I did some digging and it wasn't too hard to find the obvious evidence pointing to one Dr. Banner."

"Tony hacked your company?" Bruce blinked a few times as that part of Wayne's response washed over him. He hadn't known about that, but he couldn't stop a smile from spreading across his face. He really shouldn't be surprised to find out that after all these years Tony was still just as diligent in keeping a lookout for any activity that might put him in danger as he was in doing so for Clark. Or maybe Clark had alerted Tony, or Tony had alerted Clark, and they'd both worked together. Either way, Bruce was momentarily stunned.

"No offense, but your husband's hack alone wouldn't have prevented my company from going forward with the deal," the younger man interrupted his thoughts. "But it's good that he did. It gave me another reason to look into the matter. I realized that the deal would be a terrible mistake."

Bruce furrowed his brow. "What about Clark? The deal would have been a mistake for him too. Why would you care about Hulk if you didn't care about Superman?"

The other man didn't answer right away, clearly looking for the right words. When he did speak, it was slow and deliberate. "I find that the best way to keep unwanted parties away from Superman is for Bruce Wayne to make sure he has a controlling interest in the ventures of said unwanted parties."

"Oh." Bruce understood perfectly. "You would have used your control to run interference on any attempts against Superman, but that would have been difficult where Ross is concerned so you dropped him from the contract." He shook his head and considered it for a long, quiet moment. "You're quite the tactictionist aren't you?"

"Among other things," he answered with a small smirk. The kind of smirk that hid a secret or two, but Bruce wouldn't press.

"Well, thank you. Not for me, but for Kal," he clarified. "It's clear you not only make him happy, but that you genuinely care about him and I can't really ask for much more than that." He might still have his own reservations to work through, not to mention awkward feelings about the whole thing, but he would figure it out. "And I'm sure Tony will come around," he offered hopefully.

The young billionaire looked down at the table and said, "Well, if Kal's right about him being a little like me," and that was one of those awkward things Bruce wasn't quite sure what to do with at the moment, "then it might take a while." He looked up at Bruce and smiled. "So I guess I'll just have to count on the fact that nobody who loves Kal-El can resist him forever."

Bruce smiled in understanding before giving a soft chuckle and nod. "Yeah, you can definitely count on that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. It's Memorial Day weekend so I finally felt inclined to add something to this verse! So, um, yay!
> 
> 2\. Not sure this is exactly what the original prompter had in mind anymore ([prompt here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6064114/chapters/15897280#chapter_4_endnotes)) since I went with Tony having legitimate beefs with Bruce Wayne via Bruce's dislike of Superman and then his 'aiding' General Lane (and Ross too in this verse). Of course, I still imagine at some point prior to those events Tony was still superficially annoyed by Bruce Wayne as the prompter suggested and those things only later made him feel justified.
> 
> 3\. Ugh I'm so insecure about how this turned out since I'm so unpracticed with Clark and BruceW. Bruce especially seems a little too forthcoming, and idk spiel-y, imo - even taking into consideration if he's utilizing a reasonable amount of his Brucey persona (the more subdued Brucey persona like Batfleck managed, please and thank you). But it's Bruce so maybe I can just say he probably scripted the whole thing in his head five or ten times so he could be prepared for any turn the meeting of the parents might take lmao (and later Clark probably gave him a hard time about how he's never that openly affectionate with him). Also, I very recently rewatched The Batman on Netflix, so I think that Bruce might have been influencing my internal Bruce voice more than what I would have liked. If anything more comes from this verse, with BruceW, I'll work on it :3 :3 :3
> 
> 4\. That said I also managed to give myself all kinds of feels (and headcanons) imagining Tony and Clark working together to protect Bruce, while of course Tony and Bruce work together to protect Clark, and Clark probably trying to protect both of his dads, and then BruceW coming along and protecting Clark and by extension BruceB and like idk everybody just protecting everybody *cries*. Also Lane and Ross working together against Superman and Hulk would probably be one of this verse's Tony's worst nightmares :3
> 
> 5\. I don't know. There might be something else here worth noting, but I fail.


	10. Yankee Doodle

Tony was in the en suite finishing getting ready for the third annual charity drive and fireworks celebration sponsored by the Maria Stark Foundation.

Bruce, already finished, was lounging on their bed watching _Yankee Doodle Dandy,_ for the millionth time that weekend Tony would add with a fond, teasing chuckle even if he secretly really didn't mind.

That's when the message came. Two weeks earlier than they'd been counting on.

Both of their phones buzzed at the same time.

Tony picked his up off the sink counter and read the screen while he brushed his teeth only to lower the tooth brush and look into the mirror with wide eyes. He turned his head slowly to find Bruce looking back at him from their bed with equal shock.

"Okay, let's not panic," Tony found his voice. 

"Her water broke," Bruce replied in a disbelieving whisper.

"I know, but let's just stay calm," he repeated. "We have an action plan."

"Right. Of course." Bruce got up from the bed.

"We just need to stick to the action plan," Tony said as he hurriedly finished brushing his teeth. Standing back straight he looked into the mirror again and suddenly felt a little dizzy. "Oh my god. I don't remember the action plan." He turned quickly in the door way to look at Bruce. "I don't remember the action plan! It's not supposed to be here already! I'm not... I'm not ready for this. Oh my god. What if I'll never be ready!?"

"JARVIS, we need a car for the hospital asap," Bruce said and moved to stand in front of him. "Hey, Tony, it's fine. It's... I'm freaking out too," he said and Tony narrowed his eyes because he didn't seem to be freaking out. Bruce took his hands into his and entwined their fingers together, maintaining eye contact. "But we don't have time for that right now. Our baby-"

"Our baby," Tony echoed, the words filling him with emotions he hadn't ever counted on. This was really happening. 

The same emotions seemed to overwhelm Bruce too, a watery and awed smile spreading across his face. "Yeah, our baby," he repeated the words like he couldn't believe them; Tony could relate. Then that disbelief bubbled into unfettered joy. "Tony, our baby is coming!" 

Tony smiled and nodded and let joy take the reins too. How could he not when Bruce was right? How could he not be more ecstatic than worried when their son or daughter was on the way and Bruce looked, rightfully, like it was the absolute best day of his life? They were about to become fathers and they would be able to navigate this new chapter together. 

"JARVIS," Tony said, "let Pepper know we won't be at the event and to rally the PR troops. Bruce and I have a baby to go meet."

*

Bruce looked up when the door to the hospital room opened and smiled when Tony entered, but he couldn't keep his eyes away from the precious, sleeping baby in his arms and ducked his head again to watch him sleep. 

"Security is dealing with the situation and legal is on its way to help," Tony explained in a low voice as he moved to sit beside him on the sofa.

Bruce just nodded, unable to care. They'd known the media hounds might try to make their special moment difficult, but at the moment nothing in the world could ruin his mood. He was holding their beautiful son and nothing else mattered. The moment Tony settled beside him Bruce felt him relax. The content sigh in spite of what he'd just gone and handled told Bruce that he felt the same way.

"He's absolutely perfect," Tony said after a quiet, surreal moment. 

"He is," Bruce agreed with a smile. 

"Although," Tony added in a considering tone and Bruce spared a very quick, questioning glance at him, "I've gotta say, now that we've met him, I'm not so sure Edwin is going to suit him."

Bruce chuckled softly and studied their not-yet-named son some more. Edwin had been at the top of the short list of names they'd agreed on if they had a son. "You know, I have to admit I was thinking the same thing. But I was willing to let it go since I know how much the name means to you." 

Tony kissed his temple as if to say thank you and then shook his head. "There's still James and Samuel, but-"

" _Tony_ ," Bruce pried his eyes away from their son to give Tony an incredulous look, "we can't name him Samuel." Tony raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it bad enough he'll have to share his birthday with the celebration of white colonial independence without kids thinking he was named after-"

"Oh. Uncle Sam," Tony realized with a quiet snort. "Right. Didn't even think about that. God, I didn't even think about his being born on the Fourth of July," he added with a horror-stricken expression. "That's going to be fun to deal with. I think you jinxed us with all that _Yankee Doodle Dandy_." Bruce laughed louder than he meant to and their baby began to squirm in his arms. Bruce looked back down at him, gently rocking him. "I wonder if he'll think the fireworks are for him or-" The sentence was cut short by a hitch of breath that Bruce shared.

Two very blue eyes cracked open before widening a little, clearly attempting to focus up at them. His face was wrinkled up a bit in infantile curiosity before it turned into a yawn, his entire body stretching with the intensity of it on reflex. Then, just as quickly as they'd finally gotten a glimpse of him awake, he was asleep again. 

Bruce's eyes were wet as he stared in awe for a long moment then turned his head to see the adoration on Tony's face. Bruce didn't think it was possible, but suddenly it felt like he loved the man beside him even more. 

"Blue eyes," Tony said, voice cracking with emotion. "Now those definitely suit him," he said. Bruce nodded and hoped they would stay blue, not that he would love him any less if his eyes turned brown like theirs. 

Before Bruce could even process the thought, he said, "Steve." Steven had been just shy of making their short-list, but somehow now Bruce couldn't imagine any other name for their son - unless he chose a different one for himself, of course. Bruce studied Tony for his reaction, the other studying their son.

A smile spread slowly across Tony's face and he met Bruce's gaze. "Steve."

Bruce mirrored Tony's smile and then carefully shifted to hand Steve over to his other father. Steve squirmed and whimpered a little at the movement. "Oh, I know. I know," Bruce soothed as he placed him in Tony's arms. 

Tony immediately began to rock him. "You're okay, Steve. I've got you. Your daddies won't let anything happen to our Yankee Doodle boy." He looked at Bruce, still smiling. "Will we?"

"Never," Bruce agreed with another answering smile.

Outside there were undoubtedly fireworks lighting up the sky in celebration. As far as Bruce was concerned, they were most definitely for Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a very quick bit of US 4th of July + dads fluff because I absolutely-freaking-needed it. A little early of July 4th, but that's because my life continues to be a hot mess so I wanted to make sure I got it edited and posted. I may have another quick little dadsfic with the Independence Day theme to post a little later should it come together too. We'll see! Just in case, have a safe and happy holiday if you celebrate it. 
> 
> This is inspired by the George M. Cohan fictional biopic Yankee Doodle Dandy (which Bruce was watching) and the song of the same name as opposed to the original song everyone thinks of (although that song obviously inspired the Cohan version). "Yankee Doodle boy" are part of the Cohan song's lyrics.


	11. Halloween Candy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t draw to save my life, but this plot bunny has been driving me crazy and for some reason words for an actual ficlet alludes me atm. Still I really wanted to share the concept somehow so here are a couple of crude drawings.
> 
> I imagine this to be in the same verse as Date Night and it’s inspired by the annual Jimmy Kimmel segment where parents record telling their kids they ate their Halloween candy.


End file.
